My life needs a drastic over haul & I know just the way to do it…

I have not been in the mood for writing the last 9 days. There is only so much to can write about dieting. I am still doing my thing. Realising that whilst not losing the lb’s I am dropping the inches. Which is more important to me…

My sub life. The web site…Basically I give up. There was a reason I left the scene. I need to remember that & stick with it, to save me the hassle. I blocked another douchebag…After a few short messages, where he was following a set script, what ever I was saying was not going into his thick, self absorbed head, I doubt there was any room in there for any other thoughts which was not in his script…Basically another idiot who can’t read a woman’s profile…

I feel ‘Grrrr!!!!’ with myself for going back there. I have decided ‘NO MORE SUB ME!!!’ It’s not worth the hassle. I want to focus my mind on more helpful positive things…like my garden. Like my home. Like my losing all my excess fat. Like me getting fitter, healthier, slimmer & having lots of energy for my grand children ‘I’m going to be a Nana to another little darling’…

I have been listening to self hypnosis. I want to do a lot more meditating & visualising. It is not easy to achieve your goals, but it is possible, my goals are realistic. I want to move. I am finding this garden & house too difficult to manage. There is too much to do & not enough help to do it. I want a smaller house, with a court yard garden, which I will fill to bursting with plants…Weed free. Easy to water…’Hopefully quiet’…

My life needs a drastic over haul, to tip me out of this deep crevice of same old same old…Which means save-save-save to move…Me personally, I would move into a caravan. My dream kid free life, involves living in a touring caravan, touring the whole of the UK, to see the whole of the country I was born in. I would love to live on a long boat on the Thames & travel the length of the river, from the sea mouth in Shoeburyness, to the very end where it goes into a stream. I might have to walk the last bit…

Nuff said for now…

Day Twenty Six – This Time Next Year – Taking The More Leisurely Route To My Ideal Size…

I am going to say ‘A successful day, on my weight loss journey’…Though my diet mentality, from years of dieting, leaves me feeling like it was a lazy day. I never reached my 5k step target & I ate after 23pm & just before 13pm, but…

1. I am still fasting for at least 12 hours…
2. I am still eating a healthy diet…
3. I am not picking on sweet junk all day…
4. I have treat food, but not all day snacking…
5. I am not drinking sugary fizzy drinks, or other sugary drinks…
6. I am resting due to so called flare up’s, but keep getting up, moving around & doing the odd squat, side leg raise, etc…
7. I am not eating takeaways…
8. I am more pain free, due to eating a more healthy diet…

So my mind saying ‘Here we go again’ another big fat failure…Noooo! So I’m not so rigid, not soooo! strict. This is a life style change, to maintain my ideal weight/size in advance. There is no failure. There is just that initial ‘ENPHUSIASM!’ sizzling out. The actual life style change, for life is settling in…

I feel I need the odd ‘enthusiastic’ strict, rigid ‘Diet!’ mode, to keep myself from going backwards & forwards on my weight loss journey. There is no BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! Strict! – Rigid! – Determined! – Focused! – Motivated! – Inspired! all the way to X target weight. It is not a straight, level ground sprint to the finish line…

Noooo! My ‘get healthy’ weight loss journey has many meandering paths, some clear & easy going, others a up hill rocky climb, where a machete is needed to hack my way through the under growth, or should I say over growth. Then it leads to the edge of a steep cliff & I’m hanging on for dear life…

I know, what the fanny fart am I on about…

There is no…Start – FAIL! -Stop – Months not being able to start, feeling like a failure – Finally muster up all the ‘New improved’ THIS! IS THE ONE! dieting enthusiasm – Go Go Go Keep Going. fizzle fizzle… ugh! FAIL!

As I said. There is none of that…There is no Start – Stop – Start – Stop…I started 24 years ago, the dieting just set me up to be a fat storing super machine. Now I am giving up dieting. I am eating a more healthy balanced diet. I am eating sweet food in moderation. I am doing as much exercise as I can…

This time next year. I will be slimmer, healthier, have a whole new out look on life, through dropping the habits which kept me fat & caused me to get fatter. If I’m not on a strict, rigid diet regime, I don’t have to stuff my face with all the supposed fattening, forbidden foods…

This time next year, I will be at least 26 lbs slimmer…The healthier I feel, the more pain free I will be, so I will automatically move more. I could be 52 lbs slimmer. Time flies by. Well our perspective of time zooms!!! by…When I look back I will see nothing less then constant, persistent results, be it tiny, or HUGE! Probably somewhere between tiny & big…

Today we are going out to buy some bark for the garden. I am going to be clearing the rubbish I saved to upcycle. Taking up the rotten decking. Attacking the Knott weed. All my plants are going in pots, then the dogs can use the whole garden…

Gawd! I wish that screaming kid, would STOP! the screeching…Ugh! Teach your child that no one wants to hear him/her SCREAM! I taught my kids not to be aggravating to those around them, yet I have to deal with the off spring of people who just allow their child to SCREAM! CONSTANTLY!

My little granddaughter is just learning to SCREAM! We put our hand over our mouth …She stops screaming & looks wide eyed at us…We then show her nicer, quieter noises. She’s only 9 months old, so she does not understand ‘Stop screaming, it is too loud’…

I got a video of her today, sitting in the middle of her mummy & daddy, all three of them dancing, a big grin on her face…So adorable. My daughter was like ‘Look at my fat cheeks, look at my face’…I said ‘would you say that about Phoebe, she looks like you’…She {My daughter} cuddled her & said ‘No she’s beautiful’…As I pointed out ‘I think she is beautiful’…apparently I am biased, because I’m her Mum…

I feel bad that I may of put some of this low self esteem, when it comes to looks, on my daughters. Not that I purposely say these things, but obviously they see me put myself down. I like that my daughters are not conceited, but I wish they could see themselves as I see them ‘Gorgeous in everyway’…

It does make me think more about body image & appreciating what I have got…Mind you, I put my phone/camera on selffie mode, my granddaughter loves seeing herself, it makes her laugh. I accidently turned it on myself. My instant reaction was ‘Ugh! That was scary, then I laughed at my finding myself scary to look at…How bad is that & in front of my daughters & granddaughter. I need to change my reaction to seeing myself….

Crazy Woman On A Diet –

So what have I learned about ‘weight loss journey’ self today…Hmmm?

1. Emotional ‘change the way I feel’ eating, is a sneaky, snidey ba**ard…
2. I need to learn stronger coping strategies to deal with the obnoxious ’emotional’ hunger…
3. I resent all the **ckers in the scene I once had so much fun being in…’Grrrr!’…
4. So called bad days; not so good days, can feel soooo! long & soooo! destructive, when in reality they last a fraction of time & are in fact a learning curve…
5. I need to focus on my goals & keep a perspective on the time frame. It feels like I done that weeks ago, then moved on, but in reality I was just not as intensely focused. Time does not fly, our focus flies. Reality flies…Perspective! As in I feel like 3 weeks is a mere 3 hours…A few hours of feeling emotional & giving in to so called ‘comfort eating’ feels like weeks. It was a fraction of the time I felt this way. It does not have to rip open my packet of focused ‘In control’ sweets, neatly packed away, looking sweet & me being ever so good not eating them. Then…GIVE ME THE SWEETS!!! RIIIIPPPPP!!!! STUFF!!!…tears! It does not have to feel that way…It is not that dramatic, not that important, it is just a bag of sweets, FFS! I mean this metaphorically…
6. I can feel my husband relax, as I fail…Is that crazy? Probably, but I can. Maybe its me seeing it that way, because I am portioning the blame, or something. Maybe is doesn’t have to be quite so intense…So what. I ate some sweet in the ‘Fasting! hour’…{Gasp!}…
7. Those scales. Those ***king scales. Can **ck! right off & die…HOW DARE THEY!!! 14st12lb ‘Woooo!’…One week of eating a lot less, moving a lot more…15st F**CKING! 2.75 lb…WTF!!! Then 30 seconds later 15st1lb…So I gained 3 lbs? Through eating less & moving more…Those obnoxious, horrendous numbers ruined my day…So they’re out of here, fecking, bast*** scales…
8. To add salt to my wounds…FECKING! annoying, aggravating, neighbour from hell, cackle woman is back. Can my day get any worse…The woman needs a gag. There is just no need for the noise that comes out of that woman’s mouth, when she laughs…She CACKLES!!!…UGH!!! Tone it down, luv!

That is it for now. I’m sure I will think of more things that I learned over the last 3 weeks…

Persistence! Patience! Perseverance!

One of the main reason’s I am on this healthy eating, weight loss journey. To see her grow up & have her own children. To be a active part of her life. To be here for my husband & my kids. I want to see all my grandchildren & all my great grandchildren. I want to finish my dream garden & dream home. Three weeks is a drop in the ocean. One minor mishap because I felt emotional is insignificant. Is evaporation. Is joining the rain clouds…

Okay! I will shut up now…

Day Twenty One – End Of Week Three – Self Hypnosis – Four Golden Rules ‘I can make you thin’…

“Yaaay!” A successful diet day twenty. It is the dreaded week three weigh day tomorrow. As usual I am dreading it. Though I have been eating a lot less, a lot healthier & doing more exercise. I will weigh & measure myself tomorrow, with out putting any high expectations on myself…

Stay the same ‘happy I never gained’…Lose 0.25 lb ‘happy I am going in the right direction’. Any loss will be fantastically, fabulously, amazing. There will be NO! disappointment, noooo! feeling disheartened. NO! I know I am doing the right thing for my health & fitness. I trust my body to eventually balance itself & catch up. I am basically maintaining my ideal weight/size in advance…

Mum, 37, sheds five stone thanks to hypnosis app: ‘I never dreamed it would be so easy’

Really? I need to read this article…

Personally I think it come down to the power of her own mind. She really wanted to drop the weight & she believed the hypnosis was helping her. It probably took away the self doubt, which can lead to self sabotage…

“I would recommend Easy Loss to anyone – but I think you need to really want to do it. If you have that goal and really want it to work, then it will…”

I do listen to self hypnosis. I also follow the Paul McKenna ‘I can make you thin’ 4 golden rules. I eat when I am hungry, but use intermittent fasting as a safety net. By the time 13pm is here, I am truly hungry, but not famished…I am finding that I no longer feel the need to eat after 20pm. Eventually I will change my intermittent fasting times to 18:6…At the moment I am 14:10, but I don’t always want to eat after 20pm…

I feel in control of my eating. I am taking full responsibility for what goes in my mouth. I do not need to stuff my face all day long, into the early hours. Last night {Well this morning} I went to bed at 4am, feeling ‘Ugh!’…I had a really dry throat, even though I drank a glass of water, my stomach hurt & I felt nauseous…but I think it was more being over tired then actual hunger. Just emotional ‘Change the way I feel’ hunger. I did not give into it, I went to bed & eventually fell asleep {Groans!} I need to sort my sleeping out, but I have had this since I was born, all through my childhood, basically forever…

The second golden ‘I can make you thin’ rule, is to eat what you want to eat, not what you think you should eat. In other words listen to your body, when you listen to your body & trust it will make healthy choices. It is quite liberating. Yesterday I went to buy my daily sugar treat, but I didn’t fancy it, I fancied soup with bread. Thai carrot soup. It was scrumptious…& healthier. The second golden rule was a sticking point for me in the past. After all ‘Of course I want sweets, cake, chocolate, biscuits, takeaway, etc…’ Not anymore…

I want to be healthy, slim, fit, feel more attractive; a lot more then I want to eat sugar junk all day & have take away instead of a healthy home cooked meal from scratch..I realised how crappy the takeaway food was anyway. You cant beat home made chips, using fry light. I don’t see how people can think the fried cardboard & salty, greasy tasteless food, which cost LOTS! of money can be better. Mind you gourmet burgers…Yum! That reminds me. Minted lamb burgers. I can make my own…

Maaaybe it was the self hypnosis which changed my mind ‘For the better’ about food. Its like someone flipped a switch inside me & I saw the light, in the light was lots of healthy, tasty, satisfying food. Constantly eating sugar, so my blood sugar level spiked high, then dropped low, was keeping me fat. My body needed to produce insulin all the time, to deal with the sugar. Of course it stored the sugar as fat…

The third rule, eating slowly & consciously. I know of course you’ll conscious…but are you? When you are mindlessly speed eating, whilst watching tele. I have slowed my eating right down. I do chew my food right down before swallowing…but…The tele is on in the evening. I still concentrate on my food though. Especially when I can savour every mouthful & not just taste greasy, salty nothingness, which is processed food. It opens your taste buds as well as your mind…

The fourth rule. Which is pretty much ‘Duh! Common sense’…Has not always been ‘common sense’…especially with the mindless eating…Rule # 4 ‘STOP!’ eating when you feel full. Satisfied full. Not bloated. stuffed, feel nauseous full. Just that first twinge of fullness. I can leave food on my plate. My parents aren’t there to lecture me & make me stay at the table until I have cleared the plate…I have never forced my kids to clear their plate, or to eat food they don’t like…I no longer have a bloated feeling after eating. When I look down, now I see my boobs, not my stomach protruding like I am 9 months pregnant with tripplets…

Oops! Its 14 minutes into my eating time. I thought I felt hungry. Actual hunger. Hunger to nourish my body. No mindless stuffing. I am not a dustbin. I don’t need a constant supply of sugar to get me through the day…

Lunch time…

Day Nineteen – A Rambling Sub Rant – Looking To The Future Slim Healthy Fit Me…

“Woooo!!!” Another successful diet day, on my weight loss journey. I am going strong. I am stepping it out along the fast yet scenic route, on my weight loss journey. Tonight is red wine Sunday. I need to be aware of the alcohol induced munches. I am going to get some slimmer soup, my favourite tai chicken lemon, cuppa soup…

It is not that healthy, basically just flavour,  but it is tasty & filling, also hydrating, I feel more thirsty then hungry, when I have been drinking red wine, I usually drink water in between. That way I don’t get a hang over the next morning…

Yesterday I was thinking again about my sub life. I am a sub. I am not a Domme, or even a switch. I am a spankee. I love it. I get lots of pleasure from it. It is sexual, sensual, erotic for me. Very much mutual ‘Adult!’ fun. I am sick & tired of it being so difficult to find a decent Dom & not have him want to be in the ‘Clique’…I can’t stand cliquey people…& I can’t be dealing with some wanna be ‘Mentor’…or some arrogant, bordering on abusive ‘Disciplinarian’…This is what I am up against. I could do some serious kissing up to the clique bit***’s…but I would feel like a fake, smarmy, two faced, insincere bit**, so no kissing up to fit in, especially as the decent Dom’s are very few & far between…

Right! sub in despair rant, is over…for now…

Ohh! One more thing…I have got a new Fetlife account. My other one got hacked, probably by some weirdo I put straight on a few things…It is having a identity crisis at the moment. I can start over. I could start an intense search for my idea, of my ideal Dom…Hmmm! I might just do that…but…I’m not meeting anyone until I know enough about them, to be certain they are not a candidate for criminal minds…Also I am getting back to where I was, before I offended the b**** who was all over my Dom, wanting him for herself & giving me grief…Jeeze! Share, luv. I am. I don’t own him. I could care less that he play’s with other women…

Mind you. I don’t think it helped, that when they was gushing all over him. Wanting to make him ‘Their!’ Dom…He would say ‘You should thank K {aka me} for giving me permission’…Noooo! No wonder I got so much grief from the women…Jeeze! Mate! Not a good idea. He thought he was being loyal to me, when he was setting me up to be hated…

Another one of his dumb arse man things, he would say to a overly gushy sub woman, who WANTED! him…{The scene is very enhanced, hence the cap’s}…He would say ‘If K {aka me} finishes with me, I will make you my sub’…Ohh! Myyyy! frigging! GOSH!…WTF! Of course they hated me…That & I was not a fake, smarmy, hugger & kisser. I was not a ‘Lovely fwend’ type. I was ‘apparently’ the control freak b**** keeping one of the decent Dom’s all to myself. I wasn’t, but there you go…

I am married. My husband knows & accepts. He is married. His wife was supposedly unaware, but I suspect she knew. He told her that I was a virtual online sub…Ummm!

The scene is a very ‘Enhanced!’ for want of a better word…Ummm! strange place. I used to think it was great. Everyone could be themselves. Everyone was accepted. Then bit**es happened. Jealousy happened. A controlling, bullying minority happened. I left the scene after 9 years of going to parties. Its sad that a few emotionally screwed up control freaks, have to ruin it for everyone else & my dumb arse Dom see’s those few as his friends. Hence me no longer being with him. I did not need the crap him & his fwends brought with them…& the ‘If I finish with him…’ It was just an excuse, he used me as an excuse. So I got the grief & he got all the fun. Did the other Dom’s I played with, give him grief…Hell no. They were more into mutual ‘Adult!’ fun. They were respectful to my Dom…

Definitely nuff said…

“Yaaaay!” My new fitness tracker has arrived. I am going to get more coffee & set it up…I am going to start my walking training. To do a long charity walk next year…

Day Fifteen – Week Three – Dropped 4 inches Over All – Lost 0.5 lb…

Yeesss! Another successful diet day. Another successful diet week ‘Woooo!!!’…I was going to say that my week two weigh day has been a disappointing weigh day, because I lost ‘Only!’ 0.5 lb…but…I lost over all 4 inches, which is 1″ more then week one. My measurements are more important & I know how stubborn my body can be. There is also other factors, like water…

0.5 lb is a loss. It is going in the right direction. The most important thing to me is inch loss & so far in 2 weeks I have dropped 7 inches over all. I measure my bust-ribs {under bust} waist-hips-bottom-thighs-knees-upper arm…

This week I am going to start gardening like a crazy woman…I want to put all my plants in pots & cement over the ground where I struggle to keep on top of the weeds. My garden is too small for shrubs & too big for pots. When I move, I want either a huge garden, or a court yard garden. I inherited a garden which had been neglected for years. 5 years on, I’m still battling with the same weeds…

So! Inch loss! I am concentrating on inch loss, not weight loss. Which means carry on the way I’m eating. Yesterday I did not have any food all evening & went to bed earlier. So today, when I start eating at 13pm, I would have fasted for 18 hours, because I stopped eating around 19pm last night…

I am going to start gardening 10 minutes at a time. I want to move all my pots closer together. I have got lots of empty pots to fill…Lots of seedlings to plant & hanging baskets to hang. I am really slow this year…

Measurements

Bust – 44″ {0.5″}

Ribs – 39.25″ {0.5″}

Waist – 42″ {1″}

Hips – 45″ {1″}

Bottom – 44″ {0.5″}

Thighs – 26.25″

Arms – 13″ {0.5″}

Knees – 16.25″

I feel inspired to start focusing more on exercise & getting fitter, but I am not going to go back to eating lots of sugary junk food & processed food. I am going to carry on intermittent fasting 13pm to 23pm {Fasting more when I can} & eating healthy, no dieting…Inch loss is definitely more important then weight loss…

First I need coffee, then gardening…if I was to do what Paul McKenna says in his book ‘I can make you thin’ I would forget the scales & concentrate on the 4 golden rules & getting active. I am going to carry on weighing myself & measuring myself weekly though. Some weeks I might lose lb’s & no inches…

I am going to exercise to build muscle…5 lbs of muscle burns 250-calories VS 5 lbs of fat burning a mere 20 calories. It is a no brainer. I am not going to start doing exercise I can not realistically keep up, but I am going to be focusing on getting more active & doing more strength training. Starting by moving pots around in my garden…

Physical Hunger VS Emotional Hunger…

via Daily Prompt: Precipice

“Precipice” That sounds like a good word…What does it mean? I’ll go & google it, see if I can fit it into my weight loss journey…

Hmmm! Only virtual steep mountains on my virtual weight loss journey, but a hazardous situation? Yes…Sweets, cakes, biscuits, chocolate, can’s of ginger beer in the fridge, the high sugar variety, my favourite drink of all time…Hazardous to my health {sighs}

Another hazard to my health, a ‘precipice’…Forgetting the reason’s why I so desperately want to stick to my healthy eating, weight loss journey. Strange I know. How can you forget. It is easy to stop focusing & move my focus onto something else…

Its like when I tell myself ‘I want to eat something sweet’…I don’t really, I just think I do. It is that emotional eating ‘Change the way I feel’ sudden, urgent PULL! to eat. Then I don’t feel satisfied, so I eat some more, by then I am thinking ‘I might as well eat what I want, that diet failed, as per usual’…They are hazardous thoughts & feeling’s…

First brain. No food is forbidden, restricted, off limits. I can eat what ever I want to eat…’When I feel hungry’…Psychically hungry, hunger that is gradual, not sudden, hunger which is……

What is physical hunger?

Physical hunger, also known as stomach hunger, is a complex interaction between the digestive system, endocrine system, and the brain. Physical hunger signs begin when the body needs refuelling and manifests as stomach rumbling or growling. When we eat, we feel better because our need for hunger is being met.

Sometimes it does not hurt for our body to feel hunger, so we learn what hunger feels like & learn to trust that we can cope with hunger, it is not going to last for ages, because we can feed our body…A lot of the time we are actually thirsty, not hungry, our body needs hydrating not fuelling with food…

Physical hunger doesn’t make you crave for specific comfort foods. Emotional hunger unlike physical hunger makes you ache for your favourite junk foods like pizza, cheesecake, cookies etc.  In a state where you are hungry physically you can consume any sort of food especially healthy foods!

So we just need to find ways to control our emotional hunger & trust our psychical hunger to allow our body to make healthy food choices. Mind you, when I eat 13pm to 23pm I am sort of forcing my meal times. Its like I’m hungry coming up to 13pm, but I make myself wait…I think about food when I get up & look at the clock, but I tell myself ‘No!’…I don’t feel hungry, I feel thirsty. I find it easy to wait until 13pm, I even wait longer, until I feel hungry…

Emotional hunger generally leads to binging. When struck by emotional hunger, individuals tend go overboard with their consumption of food and can down any junk food present in sight. When it comes to emotional hunger your brain doesn’t really register whether or not you are full and hence individuals keep eating beyond the point satiety without even knowing it. On the other hand when eating because of physical hunger, individuals are usually aware about how much they need to eat and feel satiated when their stomach is full.

One of my dieting downfalls…I really do need to concentrate on following the Paul McKenna ‘I can make you thin’ 4 golden rules…

When I have my twinges to eat, when I should not be eating. Like late at night, when I can’t sleep. It is ’emotional hunger’…Hence getting through it by telling myself ‘no’ & reminding myself why I am not going to eat. The hunger subsides after a drink, so obviously I was not hungry, I was thirsty & I got in the habit of just eating for the sake of it…

Emotional hunger surfaces from the brain. Instead of your belling growling and aching for food, emotional hunger comes from the head where you are only focused on certain kind of taste and textures and it usually points towards some kind of junk food.

So forget following a specific food plan; focus on dealing with the emotional eating. My diet is fantastic when I am eating to satiate my hunger…I did get to where I did not want to force myself out of my comfort zone of saying no to myself…

Over All – I Dropped 3 Inches – A Rambling Sub Me Post…

“Yeesss!”…I just done my week one measurements…Over all I lost 3 inches “Wooo!”…1” off my waist/tummy, which is ‘fantastically, amazingly, fabulous!’. It gives me the incentive to keep on exercising & eating healthy…

One thing which Paul McKenna say’s, which was a real eye opener. Slim people watching. Not as in ogling slim people, no! Watching how they eat. They eat slower {Mostly} They eat when they are hungry. They eat what they want to eat, then stop eating when they are satisfied…Also…They don’t have food on their mind all the time…

My husband is skinny, he is always on the go, rushing around like a blue arsed fly. He eats when he is hungry. Though I am trying to feed him a healthy diet {Rolls my eyes} He also stops eating when he is stressed, where as I eat more. If I could stop eating through stress, I would stress the hell out of myself, but then there is cortisol, which is released when you are stressed. I will stick to being my laid back self, but use visualisation to hold back the urge to so called comfort eat. Emotional eating as Paul McKenna calls it…

As I have said before. I used to be an hour glass shape, which is {Bust & Hips more or less the same measurement, waist 10 inches smaller then your hips} now my stomach is near the same as my bust. I look more like a rectangle now. I know that the healthy eating will eventually improve the inflammation. The cutting out ton’s of sugar will improve the insulin insensitivity, the cutting out processed food will reduce the sodium, so my water retention will balance itself…

I don’t want to carry on eating crap, feeling like crap, then ending up on medication, which causes crappy side effects, so I’m given more medication for the crappy side effects…When all I have to do is change my life style; eat a healthy balanced diet. I could go to the doctor’s about the water retention & get water tablets, but I won’t…not unless it gets really serious. What would be the point of taking water retention tablets & carry on eating processed junk…That is me personally, I am in no way critising people on medication. I am aware that a lot of unhealthy eating has got deeper issues. It takes a lot to change your lifestyle…

I am a big believer in the power of our own mind & that weight issues are mainly our mind & hormones…There are so many factors. It is not just eat less, move more. As I keep on saying…

Apparently we should use our imagination, instead of will power. Though of course you need the will power ‘self control’ to make the effort to use your imagination, but it is a lot easier then will power alone…When I am exercising I imagine myself as a slim me. I can’t see myself, so I can imagine I am already slim & fit…I also count 1-2-3-4 over & over & feel the pain, but ride the pain {I have got a high pain tolerance, I am a pain slut as a sub too, lol, strange I know} I imagine slim me…

Ummm! I just thought. When I was sub me, playing every other week, going to parties every other month, I felt sexy, I felt confident in my sub self, then jealous bitches happened & a old bloke, with a pot belly & bushy eyebrows, who was into ‘Young slim girls’ happened. My confidence was knocked. I started to feel too old, past it, too fat, too much attitude……

Then I stopped making the effort to keep in touch with my Dom of 7+ years…we literally ground to a halt, which was another jolt to my confidence. Though all those bitch’s…………I won’t say it…

The last time I played. I did not enjoy it one bit. I felt fat, ugly, unattractive, unfeminine, passed it, like I was a joke…So one of my goals is to get back to where I was, before I allowed the jealous bints to get to me. One in particular…

I have decided that I will go back to being a sub. I will go back to parties, but…I am going to lose all my excess fat first. I am visualising what I will be wearing, how I will look, how I will feel. My EX Dom’s reaction…Though make some fecking effort, mate…Jeeze!…Yeah! I know where you are. You know where I am. It works both ways. How I see it. If you really, deep down wanted to play with me, I would not be left to do all the running. 7 + years of my sub life wasted…Okay maybe I should not look at it that way…

Actually my main weight gain was after I stopped playing & going to parties…

Oops! I went off on a ramble then & I don’t mean the fat burning kind…

Nuff said for now…I am 30 minutes past my 13pm eating time. Which is quite positive, it means I can wait for food; eat when I am hungry…

I’ll shut up now…

 

 

AlMoSt ThE eNd Of A sUcCeSsFuL wEeK oNe On My WeIgHt LoSs JoUrNeY…

Almost the end of week one…What an amazing first week on my weight loss journey it has been. I decided to stop following a diet & start eating how I have been eating all week. No syn’s. Though I am not going to start eating lots of synful foods…

I started a new private blog, because I do want to blog a lot to keep myself motivated. I want to increase my exercise, doing 30 minutes + Wii fit & going shopping daily instead of weekly, but walking not driving…

That way I can plan my meals easier. I want to use the recipes in my slimming world recipe books. I want to following the principles of the slimming world diet, but the syn’s just become like following another diet. I roughly know the values of syn’s 20-calories per 1 syn…

Intermittent fasting is the main weight loss tool I am using ‘Forever!’…Eating from 13pm to 23pm I eat less. Also there are the health benefits. Cutting out the snacking during the day has reduced the high calorie, high fat, high sugar, therefore high carbs, in my diet. Stopping at 23pm I no longer pick all night when I can’t sleep…

Tomorrow is a whole new week. I am slightly dreading week one weigh in, but I am not about to give up. I am changing my diet to improve my health, weight loss will be an added bonus to improve my health & reduce any obesity health issues…

Good bye Week one of my weight loss journey. I have been enjoying the virtual scenery…but I want to start enjoying the real scenery. I just need to get fit & start walking again…

 

 

Day Seven –

I am so amazing. I got through a successful day 6, when I had the twinges to eat. I just kept thinking ‘I don’t want to be fat anymore, I don’t want to be unhealthy anymore, I want to reach my target weight, I want to be slim’…

Yesterday’s dinner was cheese {30g red leister, healthy A choice} & tomatoe omelette, with homemade chips. I had syn counted salad cream. It was scrummy. I can eat my usual dinners, making the odd adjustment, like using Fry light extra virgin olive oil, instead of the actual olive oil. Though olive oil is healthy…Hmmm! Should I go back to using olive oil. Mind you not all cheaper versions are that different to veg oil, or sunflower oil…

The only difference to my diet is cutting the sugar intake through sweets, cakes, biscuits, chocolate by…MASSES!!! My twinges to just give up & eat sugary junk food ‘after my 10 hour eating curfew’ is to snack…but…No more snack cupboard, I’d have to sneak upstairs to the kids rooms to steal from their stash. Which would be very undignified, lol…

The thing is, the pleasure from eating that sugary snack, lasts a few minutes at most. then I’m left with the feeling of being a failure. I know 1 bad day does not have to ruin a diet…but if I have the mentality that I can eat the unhealthy snacks, then carry on dieting, I will just go back to my old eating habits. I had milk chocolate Mikado biscuits 16 = 8 syn’s…

I have almost done a whole week on my weight loss journey. It is my one week weigh day tomorrow. I have that slight feeling of dread. What if I lost weight at the beginning, then gained it all back {According to my Wii fit board, I have} I am going to see it as an adjustment time. After all my body will not be reacting the same way as people who eat ton’s of food, then go on a diet. Because technically my only issue was snacking, but after watching secret eaters…OMFG! Those people EAT! I don’t eat that much, I was eating too much, obviously, but I was not getting through the amount of food those secret eaters were tucking away, apparently with out realising ‘Eh?’…

My husband says ‘You don’t eat that much, I don’t understand why you are overweight’…I used to eat too many snacks, but not a whole packet of biscuits, or a 6 pack of crisps, or pints of cider 3 times in an evening, or a whole cake to myself in one setting. I would have 4 chocolate digestives to dunk in my coffee, or a small twirl, or 2 small fun size bags of maltasers…Too many calories, too much fat, too many carbs…

Instead of beating myself up, I am going to look at it honestly. I am not a secret eater {Like the peeps on the tv programme} I’m very aware of what I am putting in my mouth. I personally don’t understand how someone can be so unaware, until they’re filmed doing it, then shown the evidence & they’re genuinely shocked…A real eye opener for me. As in I don’t eat like that…

I have got to prepare myself for my week one weigh in…I don’t want to feel disappointed, disheartened, wonder why I’m bothering. I want to feel in my heart, what I know in my head. I am eating less, I am eating a lot less sugar, I am exercising more. I am doing things which will maintain my weight loss for life. If I have to semi starve myself & knacker myself out, just to lose a measly few lb’s…NO WAY! Been there, done that, ***ked up my body, ended up with extra belly fat ‘Grrrr!!!’…

I will step on the scales. I will weigh the same {Please-Please-Pleeeaasssse!!! Don’t be more} I will feel the twinge of disappointment; disheartened, wonder why I’m bothering & carry on doing what I’m doing, until my body accepts that I’m eating less, there is less sugar, get over it…Suck it up buttercup…

“Persistence!”…”Patience!”…”Focus!”…”Keep myself motivated!”…”Be determined to succeed!”…So dieting is crap! Dieting does not work…Healthy eating works. Exercise works, but knackering yourself to drop a lb of fat at the end of it…WTF!

I  am just listening to self hypnosis again…I am going to read my Paul McKenna ‘I can make you thin’ book again & watch the YouTube clips…The thing with diets is the high expectations…but your body has other ideas, it rebels. It is more about hormones then ‘Eat less! Move more!’…

Leptin: Definition and Uses for Weight Loss

Your body produces many hormones that help you to eat the right amount of food and maintain a healthy weight.

Leptin is one of them. The hormone leptin is produced by your fat cells. When you have more fat, you produce more leptin.

After your fat cells produce leptin, it travels through the bloodstream to the .  The hypothalamus is the part of your brain that regulates hunger, thirst, mood and many other physical functions.

When leptin receptors in the hypothalamus interact with the hormone leptin, they send satiety signals to your brain that you have enough energy (fat) stored away. Energy stores are fat stores. Leptin is your body’s way of telling your brain that you can stop eating because you have all the stored energy (fat) that you need.

Leptin has other functions in your body, but most dieters and healthy eaters are most interested in leptin for weight loss. Researchers began studying leptin in the 1990s and continue to investigate ways that the hormone may help you to lose weight and keep the pounds off.

When you diet your leptin levels drop & your ghrelin levels rise…

Leptin Resistance and Obesity

One important area of investigation that scientist have studied is leptin resistance. Some researchers believe that leptin resistance is the reason people who are obese have a harder time eating less and losing weight.

Hmmm!

So how does leptin resistance work? Researchers aren’t exactly certain, but they know that leptin levels are higher in people who are obese.

Typical…

But despite the higher levels of the hormone, the satiety signals don’t seem to work the same way they work in leaner people. In short, the messages that tell your brain to stop eating and start burning more calories don’t work like they should even though your leptin levels are high.

Typical…

But the idea of leptin resistance is controversial because scientists don’t know exactly how the hormone interacts with other factors. There are many other appetite and hunger hormones that play a role in what you eat and how much you eat. Researchers also know that there are other things that affect your food intake, like food smells, food flavours, habits, reward systems and even cultural traditions. So they can’t say for certain that leptin resistance causes obesity.

See ‘It is not just about eating less & moving more’…

Then there is the hunger hormone…

How to Change Your Ghrelin Levels

Even though ghrelin may provide benefits in your body, many dieters are still frustrated by nagging hunger pangs and would like to reduce ghrelin to feel better. So is it possible to block ghrelin so that you eat less? Here’s what the evidence says about your ghrelin in your body:

Hmmm! Yes. Is it?

Nuff said for now…