Posted in Detour On Weight Loss Journey, Emotional Eating, Low Carb - High Protein, Motivation., Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

Day Thirty – Darn Cake!

I ate cake ‘Ugh!’ at least the cream was low carb. Its weird. It is one tinsy bit of cake, but I feel like a HUGE! failure. I am working on this over reaction to a mere piece of cake on one day out of a life time of days. I will get my eating of ‘non diet food’ into proportion…

That was yesterday. After eating a reasonable amount of nutritious food all day, right up to the cake. I thought ‘Shall I weigh myself to see what the damage is’…IT IS A POXY BIT OF CAKE!…Jeeze!

The usual ‘I blew it, I might as well eat’ feeling did come over me, but I reminded myself that I am not on a diet, I am eating healthy, changing my ‘keeping me fat’ habits. This is a lifestyle change. One excess amount of carbs, does not have to turn me into a dust bin of PROPORTIONATE! excessive, out of control pick-pick-frigging picking…’Get a grip!’

…& breath

So I’m focusing on the cake. Which was a tiny piece, quite yummy, because I am not continuously stuffing sugar into my body. When other positive things happened. Like receiving 2 messages, 1 on Fetlife, the other on Bs {Aka british spanking} Apparently I am a breath of fresh air & my profile is impressive…Why thank you, kind sir!

I don’t want to rush in, just because 2 people liked my profile. I want to mull it over…After all my new accounts, are start over, not-tainted by my Ex Dom’s, especially my first Ex Dom, because he is quite a spiteful, malicious, vindictive person, he is obsessed with playing mind games. His Ex sub before me, or she was a few before me. She tried to warn me…but…I needed to find out for myself & I needed to get out of the emotionally abusive D/s relationship myself. Of course I done it in a spectacular, dramatic, unique way. Well he did keep push-push-pushing until I went over the edge & took him over with me…{That is a long blog story}

Anyway. When I am new, untainted, unknown, un-gossiped about. Just me…The blokes have not been warned off me, lol…I’m not exaggerating, they are a bunch of control freaks…Mister passive aggressive man, who was told from the off that I was not going to meet him, got all arsey because I would not meet him. Told me that he should have listened to the…Gossips? Back stabbers? Two faced bitches? I was OMFG! I’m right, I’m not paranoid after all. I thought it was me…

I feel SO! much resentment towards these nasty people. Its not like I done anything to deserve it, other then be in a D/s relationship with a narcissist, then be with one of the rare decent  Dom’s…{I won’t go into that}

…In with calm, out with stress…

Those are emotionally destructive feelings, only I get hurt by those feelings. So just let them go. Move on…carry on doing what I am doing, because it must be right. Please-please-please don’t let them bitches realise that it is me…

…In with calm, out with stress…Don’t eat cake!

Takes a deep calming breath…

Meditation. I need to meditate more, its great. I need to visualise more, I know that is helpful…

I was doing lots of research on low carb eating. I learned lots of helpful stuff…I also learned that if I go for a 15 minute walk after eating, the blood sugar spike, which needs insulin to deal with the excess sugar, which means storing the sugar as fat…well the excess sugar will be used by my muscles. High protein builds muscle, or helps build more muscle; muscle burns more calories, it also uses glucose ‘Sugar!’…I am so going to make the effort to do this…

Exercise to use the excess sugar, so my body does not need to store it as fat…The thing is…even if you are on a strict diet, if your blood sugar spikes, you are still going to produce insulin & your body is still going to store excess sugar as fat…

Low carb dieting is great for balancing your hormones, it is especially good for balancing your blood sugar…If I buy low carb foods & aim to eat low carb foods ‘NO! cake’…I am going to have more muscle building protein, less processed junk…& many more health benefits…

Apparently eating a low carb diet, can improve sleep. Which I need. I went to bed before midnight, but fell asleep about 1am & woke up at 5am. A mere 4 hours sleep. No wonder I have bags under my eyes & deep shadows…Ugh!

Nuff said for now…

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Posted in Detour On Weight Loss Journey, Motivation., Opinion, Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

Day Twenty Seven – More Of My Rambling Subbie Thoughts…

Yesterday was a ‘Good enough!’ diet day. No picking all day, no binging after my red wine. So a good enough diet day. I was just doing some squats whilst my coffee was expressing it self…

From today it is going to be focusing all my mind energy ‘motivation’ on getting my garden finished. Which means more coffee, find the crow bar, clear the first bit of rotten decking I am taking up, the part I fell through, then more coffee…

A friend of mine, I know in the scene, we met over ten years ago & have sort of been on line friends for a while. He sent me a friend request. Ohhh! Sugar. Was that really him? I didn’t even question him, I just accepted…{Goes off to check…}

Seems legit…Anyway…As I was about to say. My friend from the scene. He is the Britishspanking/Ouch .com most hated. Even more hated then me, which is saying something, lol…No not really, I’m not that bad, I am only hated by a few, supposedly laughed at by the clique bitches. Not that I have done anything to deserve it. You don’t have to do anything to deserve it. If you are a quiet, introvert, who does not kiss up, you end up being taken the pee out of, by the typical bitches…

I digress…My friend ‘The most hated!’…He points out their flaws. He basically say’s what me & my friend think & feel, but we keep it to our selves. I can’t be arsed to use my energy on a bunch of people, being typical people, typical as in ‘group behaviour’…’Clique behaviour’…Here lies my problem, see ‘laughable’ I say things like that, instead of kissing up…

Why am I even bothering to blog this negative BS…Ummm! Probably because my friend decided to come back & add me to yet another Facebook group ‘groans’…I am not a group person, I don’t do groups, I don’t do ‘group politics’ I don’t do group bickering, group bitching, group bullying, group cliques…I do like independent, individual, logical thinkers, who are ‘Themselves’…who can think for themselves…

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I used to chat to my friend quite a lot…We even tried to create a new site for people who need a new alternative to the clique mentality. Especially as at the time there was a particully nasty, bullying bitch in the forum, attacking people who did not think like her. She has real mental health issues, which is sad, but she was allowed too much power in the forum. In other words she was not being moderated & was often attacking people & causing drama…I stayed in the back ground as a lurker. Its safer to lurk, if you don’t need the incessant drama…

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Mind you I did find their bickering bitch-fest quite entertaining. Though it was none of our business. I enjoyed seeing her being put in her place, but then she would get nastier & place the victim card & her clique arse lickers would appear to defend her. Who needs EastEnders when you have got the britishspanking forum…

I digressed again…My friend. He started to make me ‘Grrrr!!!’ when he {Male age play sub} decided that he was going to Dom me. I’m thinking ‘I don’t do being DOM’D!’…I especially don’t do being DOM’D! by a sub who is less then perfect. Here I am a happily married woman for 25 years. Four kids, a grand child & he wants to DOM! me…Feck off, matey. I don’t need that patronising, condescending, often assuming, because he is arrogant enough to believe that ‘Quiet introvert’ me is a empty headed, over sensitive, emotional being…Ugh! ‘Groans!’…

Firstly Quiet introvert peeps are actually quite strong minded. It is all going on in our heads. We think a lot & I mean a LOT!

I don’t need to be accepted. I don’t need attention. I do need to be treated with respect. So he assumes I have got something under my skin, because I talk about it. I assume he is a condescending jerk, because he starts talking about it, then concludes that I am talking about it, therefore I must have it under my skin & I’m ‘Groans!’ FOR FECK SAKE! MAN!…LISTEN!

Another thing us introverts do. We listen. We listen to hear, not as the saying goes ‘listen to reply’ therefore not actually listening to understand. Hence my slowness in a conversation when trying to chat to an extrovert. I’m listening, thinking, responding. We often get talked over. It can be a tad boring…

So my friend ‘pee’d me off’ in the end, because he just would not listen…”I am not into being Dom’d” He carried on trying to Dom me. “I am a sub” He carried on making comments about me doing him & I’m thinking ‘I am not going to waste my energy, my time, my brain cells, because I would feel like crap afterwards, especially if it was in my home, after the past crap I have put up with…that is another blog post…

I can’t stand people who jump to conclusions, don’t listen, then dump their negative assumptions on me. I feel VERY! defensive when someone does that to me. I had some bad experiences in the scene, with a narcissistic A hole. My friend knew this narcissist before I did, he had dealing’s with him. I did not know the half of it. Of course I only had my so called Dom’s side {The narcissist} My friend was also in a bad D/s relationship, he feels it screwed him up…{That is another blog post & more his business then mine}

I am going to shut up now, I need coffee, then it is cupboard excavation time {Yaaakes!} I may be a long time & need many cups of coffee…{Mind you, I only have 4-5 small cups of coffee each day, I am not that much of a coffee addict, lol}

Right! I’m going…

 

 

Posted in Emotional Eating, Motivation., Opinion, Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

Day Twenty Three – Focus! Change! Balance! Moderation! Work On Your Own Self Esteem…

13267790_1041040572654216_6007955908776926137_n“Yaaay!” Yesterday was a successful diet day, the day before wasn’t so much, but that was then, this is now, a fresh new day. I done my 5k step target, plus some, I also done a few toning exercises & planted some seedlings, I just planted some more seedlings. No more scales or tape measure. I am going by how I look in the mirror, how I feel {I’m learning to accept myself in the now} & how my clothes fit…

I feel back in control. I hate feeling out of control. Not that I want to control others, I just like to take responsibility for myself. It was red wine Wednesday yesterday, so I was chatting with my friend, how I want to work on my body image issues, for now…Not! “When I lose weight…I am…”…

I don’t need to be size X to be able to fulfil my goals & dreams. Sooo! I wrote my new profile on my new Fetlife account. I commented in one of the groups I had joined & joined another group. Nooo! friend requests just yet, or messages, but there is quite a few defensive women in the FL scene. They are…like…’I don’t accept friend requests unless I have met you at an event, or you say something interesting”…Dream-Quotes-3

Which is fair enough. There is lots of friend request, cold calling & dumb arse one liners out there in Fet land. I had got to where it was getting tedious & I was telling them how it was. Especially the one who asked for details of my Master, so he could ask permission to use me…”EXCUSE MEEEEE???” Rude, ignorant, arrogant $^&%^£%$^%^&……You can imagine what I said, lol…

There are Masters & slaves out there, but if d**k had bothered to read my profile, he would have seen I am not into sm, whatever they call it. I feel pretty tame & vanilla in FL, I’d rather be in the site I joined 12 years ago, but that was taken over by the bitch clique. Though…as my friend said last night. I should just get a new account & go in as a new person. I still won’t make any effort to kiss up & join the clique, but I will make friends…

My friend used to come to parties with me, for 9 years. I used to play with all the Dom’s. She used to sit there & chat. They was intrigued that she was vanilla & only there with me, to socialise, because she liked the people. The people were great, then the bitches happened. It went from being surrounded by the men, chatting, having a laugh, me having lots of fun playing. My Dom playing with lots of women…Then zilch men went near us. It sounds like we done something to deserve it & that we’re paranoid, but in the scene, behaviour is enhanced…Quote2_ipad

Soooo! As I was saying, before I went off on one about the scene…Just goes to show where my focus is…but…Change! Its all change! Also this time, I am losing weight for my health, not for attractiveness, to impress the Dom’s…Hmmm! I did maintain a size 16 when I was going to parties every other month & playing with my Dom {of 7 + years} every other week…

Bitches happened. I lost my confidence. Finished with my Dom & left the scene for three years. Now I am making a come back, but I am making changes. First & foremost ‘My health’…Then my own body image. I am reading lots of blogs about body image. I have always been strong minded. Always objected to being objectified…but I allowed bitches with emotional issues to cause me to lose my confidence…Not anymore. Though now I am not with the Dom, who allowed his fwends to disrespect me…

I just stopped off to play with my little grand daughter. Now I am going to plant up some more seedlings…

Sometimes being tooooo! focused on something, causes issues…Balance! Everything needs balance. I am going to give my sub life focus, but I am not going to allow it to knock my self confidence & self esteem…

Posted in Detour On Weight Loss Journey, Emotional Eating, Motivation., Opinion, Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

Some Might Judge Me – Some Might Assume I Am A Certain Type Of Person…

Ohh! Myyy! Fecking! Gosh!…I just wrote my new Fetlife account profile…’Yaaakes!’…I am going to meet a Dom & I am going to get past my body image issues…

Do you know, I still feel crap from the numbers on my scales this morning. Those feelings were a real eye opener to me…

So I read a few blogs, written by women on a body image journey. I read a feminist blog. The taboo feminist…

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My whole life as sub me, left me feeling bad about myself. I know what I want. I know my own mind. I resent the women who gave me grief, because I was not like them. I miss the fun, pleasurable part of my sub life. I resent the people who took me for granted. I shouldn’t even feel I was taken for granted…

The whole thing about body image & feminism is turned upside down in my sub life. I am not a door mat. I am not just a bottom. I am not a woman there to be used & abused. I am not looking for a mentor, a ‘Dominant!’…someone to own me, train me, control me, belittle me, humiliate me…I am probably fighting a losing battle, a laughing stock, but you know what. I see it as ‘Mutual adult fun’…

Nuff said for now…It is red wine Wednesday…& I still feel raw from the weight gain thing. I need to work on my own self image & sod the dirty old, creepy, perv’s, who left me feeling too old, too past it, too unattractive…{Sigh’s}

It reads like I am really messed up by it. It is not that black & white. It is various shades of grey. Fifty maybe…’The bigger picture’…I see the bigger picture, hence seeing the flaws as well as the positives…

I will stop waffling on…Not that I see myself as a waffler. I mean it tongue in cheek ‘Light hearted’…Okay! I’m definitely shutting up now…

Posted in Exercise, Fitness Tracker, Food List, Motivation., Uncategorized

Day Twenty – Heart Rate Zone Light To Moderate…

“Woooo!!!” Another successful diet day & it was red wine Sunday. After drinking wine, I just ate my dinner & went to bed. Earlier I was full up from lunch, so I just had a banana. I’m glad I left my dinner to sit there & marinate, because the cauliflower rice was gritty & the lamb chewy. When I re heated it, the cauliflower rice was soft & the lamb more melt in the mouth…

Yesterday was my first day with my new fitness tracker. I set my target at 5k steps. Which meant I done about 45 minutes walking yesterday. I’m a bit concerned about my heart rate, on the heart rate monitor. I’m not expecting it to be 100% accurate, but. I feel it is quite high. Resting is 80-90…I’m sitting here now it is around 75…

I want to learn more about this. I know your pulse rate can go up, if your body is reacting to a certain food. I also know there is such a thing as a ‘burn zone’ whateverthatis…

HeartRateZones

This chart makes more sense. So when I was walking yesterday, walking up hill, carrying shopping, I was doing moderate exercise. When I went for a 15 minute walk to reach my 5k step target, I was doing light exercise…

I’ll stick in the moderate zone for now, I don’t want to over do it, but I will aim to reach the vigorous zone next week. It has only been three weeks since I started out on my weight loss journey. It feels more like three months. I have come a long way…

I’m going shopping now…

Posted in Exercise, Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

A rambling sub me, post…

I just done 10 minutes jogging on my mini trampoline/rebounder. I put remix song’s on, to jog to, because remix songs have a faster beat, it gets me jogging faster…10 minutes jogging, a mere 70-calories…but it is not just about the calories…

Burn more calories then you eat. You can only lose weight if you have a calorie deficit. Ohh! You must do X amount to get into ‘The Zone!’ & burn fat!…There is more to it then that…& basically reading stuff like that just puts me off bothering. Luckily I know better…

Any amount of activity is good for you. You don’t have to burn a 1000-calories in an hour for it to be any good. In fact I personally feel that is not good for you, unless you are fit enough to do it & get pleasure from it…

I could go crazy on the exercise, drop the inches, but then I stop doing that much exercise, so I start to lose the muscle I gained. You have to keep ‘Changing’ your exercise to keep seeing results, otherwise you’re just maintaining the results you got from that exercise…but I want to do exercise I can keep going…

I don’t want to jog on my mini trampoline for 30 minutes. Its boring…but I don’t mind the odd 5-10 minutes. I do enjoy walking & want to get back into walking. I have been walking for around 30 minutes each day. I want to increase my walking. There is no pain & my breathing is not as bad, so I can walk further. I don’t want to push it just yet. The last time I walked for 45 minutes, my hips were agony…but I was still on the high sugar & fat invasion…

The other day I had a mad, crazy idea to go back to being sub me, by just ‘Asking certain Dom’s for a lift to parties’…Ummm! There is a reason why I never played with those Dom’s. Mainly the arrogant, passive aggressive, bordering on abuse mentality, on their part. I left the scene to avoid the unnecessary hassle from certain obnoxious people…

Also…I was so bored. It become boring. It become more about a social club, where you had to do some serious kissing up to fit in. I don’t do kissing up very well. I am too independent, too much of an individual. Apparently that is a bad thing. It is not clique friendly…

As I was saying. I had a crazy, mad episode. I was going to ask this bloke to take me to a party, then I would play with him at the party…WTF! was I thinking. I wasn’t thinking. It was the red wine addling my brain. I would need the wine to get me through it…I can’t stand being used, I detest being treated like just a bottom. It pisses me off big time having to hear all about their many bottoms…I mean women {Yawns!} Boring! No pleasure whatsoever…

So I snapped out of it {Sobered! up!} If I contacted this bloke & allowed him to play with me. I would HATE! it & feel so bad afterwards. I have pride, I have self respect. It took me getting a new number to get rid of that bloke, he was so persistent. I think it is a Domly Dom, thing. Apparently being easily manipulated comes in the submissive job description…

Actually to be fair on myself. I was ‘Thinking it’ I did say ‘I should be more rude, less polite, just be honest & say I am using you for a lift’…I did go through thoughts of becoming a switch, but I am a submissive, a true submissive in play, not a ‘Twue submissive, door mat’…I thought about becoming a Domme. A tribute Domme…

As in ‘I don’t boss you around & give you tasks for free, worm!’…Nah! I am not that kind of Domme. I am a stickler for manners, respect, integrity, honesty, consideration. I am selfish, but only in the sense that I don’t make insincere, fake, smarmy, kissing up gestures…I think that gets confused with being a nice person, apparently being nice is weak. You have to hug & kiss & squeal like I just took ecstasy & sucked on some helium…

I prefer sincere people…

I am going to shut up now…

‘Grrrr!” I thought I had let those crappy days go & moved on. Obviously not…Ohh! Well! Such is life. Maybe I should just become a virtual on line Domme. I was chatting to some bloke who had a sock fetish, he wanted me to send him my dirty socks…I basically said ‘If you pay me for my time & the cost of the sock’s’…He was a typical time waster. Or a friend winding me up, lol…I did have a few good chats with sock man, but I was not about to waste my time giving him pleasure…I am not a fetish dispenser…

I feel strongly that certain things in the scene are mentally unhealthy. For me anyway…That is another post…

Nuff said for now…

 

 

Posted in Exercise, Motivation.

Day Thirteen – A Lucky Weight Loss, Fitness Day For Me…

“Woooo!!!” A successful day twelve, which was a red wine evening. I saved my dinner for after my red wine, because I get the munches. I made cottage pie, yesterday. I love cottage pie, but it never tastes like my Mum used to make it…

Today I am going to get out in the garden & get manoeuvring stuff around…& planting up pots with my seedlings. That will be my exercise for today. Apparently an hours gardening is equivalent to doing 10k steps…

So, if an hour of gardening is about 6-calories per minute {For me} 360-calories. That is equivalent to 10k steps? When 5 minutes = about 500 steps. 10 minutes = about 1k steps. So 100 minutes {1hr40mins}  = 10k steps {around 700-calories} Or is it more about the steps then the intensity?

I got fitbit for my birthday. Then I had a few issues, so it went back…but my husband took the next one back because I was seemingly not using it…Well I still want one, but I want one which tracks all exercise. When I was on my 3st weight loss diet, I was using the Nintendo ‘walk with me’…I done on average 12-15k steps…I could get a second hand walk with me…

Got to go & pick my daughter & grand daughter up. I will be back to look for ‘walk with me’ on Amazon or Ebay…

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Posted in Exercise, Motivation., Slimming World., Weight loss journey

Day Nine – Mii Getting A Wii Bit Fitter On My Wii Fit +

Whew! Got through a wine drinking evening, with no binging. I had 4 ryvita’s with olive oil margarine & ham {I need to get some butter, it is healthier} I drank a sugar free calypso strawberry spring water & water, then I went to bed; snored my head off & would not relinquish the cover…

Me & my friend had a good natter about the usual things we natter about…We talked about diets & how diets don’t work & how she watched her mum diet all her life & she was always fat, which is why my friend refuses to diet, my friend is not fat ‘I rest my case’. My Mum was the same. When she started exercising she found she changed shape & lost inches. She also followed the principles of slimming world, but she still had cancer from about the age of 50, which was diagnosed by chance when she went to have her belly button, so called abscess looked at by a specialist. Her doctor gave her 4 lots of antibiotics…WTF!

Anyway…I digress…

Exercise – Healthy eating, definitely the key to my achieving all my fat reducing goals. It is day 9. So 9 days with out drinking sugary drinks, or picking at sweets, cakes, biscuits, chocolate, you name it, if it was sweet I was eating it. I have been eating milk chocolate Mikado biscuits, which are 11 calories per milk chocolate dipped stick, 0.5 syn’s {I am no longer counting syn’s} I want to get some pocky’s {Whatever they are called} They come in all flavours from banana to strawberry, blueberry & back again to the usual milk chocolate…

8-Flavours-of-Pocky

I make sure that I only get one box at a time, so there is no temptation, now my cupboard of ‘sugar’ coated impending doom has gone. I am gradually getting out of the habit of opening the cupboard every time I go out in the kitchen. I’m working on the fridge, but that has just got low fat yogurts for smoothies & sugar free calypso cups…

Shopping daily begins on Saturday morning. I have noticed how much fitter I am just by doing 30 minutes Wii fit + each day for a week. My hips are less stiff & painful when I do the calculator game. At the beginning of the week I could hardly move to add up the what ever they’re called…

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I am up to island view Wii fit cycling, which is my main exercise on Wii fit. I just need to learn my way around the Wii island. I get 20 flags, then I can’t find my way off the darn mountain. I done 47 minutes, because I got lost, it did not feel like 47 minutes brisk marching on the spot, though the sweat was pouring off me ‘Eeewww!’… I was so distracted by my Mii cycling around the island. It is a great way to exercise if you find exercise boring…Though I do like walking too…

I want to get the Wii U fit…but its been discontinued, because of the Nintendo switch. So I am looking to buy a second hand Wii U fit…It has got extra Wii fit exercises. I wish they could bring out more Wii fit like games…

Posted in Motivation., Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

Day Six – It Is Just A Number – Should I Go Back To Being Number One Sub, Meee!

“Wow!” I done so well yesterday; Another successful weight loss day; another successful red wine drinking evening. After my wine I had the spare dinner. I make up more smaller portions, so I’m not eating a big dinner, then eat extra in the evening, I eat the spare dinner instead, which is healthy free food {On the slimming world extra easy plan} I tend to get the munches after drinking, so I planned a head. I also had my healthy B choice & A choice, porridge, made with skimmed milk & a banana…There was not a sweet, cake, biscuit, chocolate bar in sight…

It is day six. I have almost done my first week…It is almost my one week weigh day. At my half week check {Which I won’t bother doing again} I had gone from 15st4.25lbs to 15st1.75lb a loss of 2.5 lbs…If I stay the same from that weight, I will be happy. Otherwise what ever I lose I will be ecstatic…

As I was saying to my friend last night. It is just a number. My three daughters done their measurements. Amy had her first baby 9 months ago. She is back to her pre baby weight of 9st…her waist measured 31″, but to me she looks slim & shapely. Though you think ’31 inch’ OMG!…Chloe thinks she’s too skinny & wants to gain weight, her waist measures 26″…So technically the aspired for size, well for some girls smaller, but Chloe has got a lovely figure…

Jade is going through the ‘Needing to lose weight’ phase of her life…but…Its difficult, because she avoids vegetables like the plague, thinks healthy smoothies are YUK!…She is Autistic, so lots of food textures put her off. I try to explain that fresh meat is no different to eating processed meat. That if you eat the food all mixed together it taste good & you don’t taste the individual veg…Maybe I should blend healthy food into a paste & put it on a pizza, lol…Mind you she would spot the difference. I am proud of her for giving up the sugary fizzy drinks…

Basically…As I was saying ‘It is just a number’…I am going to go by my clothes, how I look & how I feel…I have got a big bag of so called size 14 {Liars! nearer 12} I set my self another long term ‘Reached my desired size’ goal; to go back to the scene/parties I used to go to for a decade, as a slim, attractive ‘Newbie, again’…Just to show those jealous %^&&*%%…The nasty ones who drove me out, caused me to lose my confidence…

Okay! I lost my own confidence. The gossiping, back stabbing, jealousy, nasty bitchiness got to me. I was there as a sub, to play, I played with lots of men, with out having to brat, or attention seek, they came to me, we chatted, to the best of my introvert ability. I am no group person, I am very much a independent, individual, who knows her own mind. I don’t try to fit in, or try to kiss up. So I am not clique friendly. I am friendly, usually to the non clique peeps…

Anyway. As I was saying. They are all fatter, uglier, frumpier, still attention seeking, still a clique. Still more enhanced in the behaviour…Basically a bunch of emotionally insecure %&&&&^&&**^&^…

Oops! My bitter is showing, lol…

I am going to go back. I might change my name, get a new account, start a fresh, that way I can step back in & do what I done for years, ignore, rise above, put a smile on my face, have fun with the genuine, nice peeps. I doubt they will recognise me, they’re too full of their own importance. The scene I was in was ‘Ego fuelled’…Why do I want to go back to it? Because I enjoyed it. I could kiss up, so I can fit in with the clique, but…I can’t bring myself to be a smarmy, fake person. Love me, hate me, like me, dislike me ‘Fair enough’ just leave me alone to be me…

I suppose it reads like I done something to deserve it, I was just as bad. Nope! Hand on heart. I can honestly say I done nothing to deserve it. Other then being a introvert who does not kiss up. I am not anti social, I am just anti fake. I prefer conversation over small talk, I am polite, I am approachable, I was just there to have fun with the men, I was not there to join in with all the women. Which is not popular with the women, lol…

As my Ex Dom said…’Women want more attention from other women’…I think he was right. Where as I did not want attention from other women. So I gave them no attention. In fact…As my husband say’s…I am like no other woman, I neither seek attention or give attention. Maybe I’m too boring, not feisty enough ‘Have no personality’ ‘Hard work’…Actually if someone talks to me, cuts the unapproachable, resting bitch face, I am friendly, I enjoy a good natter…but I can’t be arsed to kiss up to seek approval…Jeeze!

Nuff said for now…

Mind you…One more thing…Am I setting myself up to enter more crappy, confident knocking, believing that it will be just as enjoyable as it was before? I dare say I will go with my heart, gut & head, then do the right thing…

I had better get ready to go out. Chloe has got an interview for a apprenticeship…

This diet. This weight loss journey. I am SO! going to succeed…I feel quite excited. I might become a switch. Though I am very sub {In play} I am strong minded. I believe most introverts are strong minded, independent individuals. I embrace my INFJ personality…

I’ll shut up now…

 

Posted in Weight loss journey, Word Prompt

I Am The Most Hospitable Red Wine Drinking Buddy…

via Daily Prompt: Hospitality

How do I fit the word hospitality on my weight loss Journey…Hmmm?

My friend is coming to drink red wine & have a good natter, this evening. She will be my guest. I provide half the wine & the glasses, lol…

Drinking red wine is one thing I am not going to remove from my diet…

Not everyone chooses to drink alcohol, but those who do are probably smart to choose red wine. Every year, the research on the health benefits of red wine piles up. Wine has always been a staple in the human diet. In fact, scientists have documented red wine as far back as 5400 B.C.

Here are ten reasons to drink red wine (in moderation of course!)

Sleep
New research shows that red wine, especially Cabernet Sauvignon, Chianti, and Merlot, contains melatonin. Melatonin regulates the body clock, so drinking a glass of red wine before bed may help you sleep. Melatonin is also an anti-oxidant, which means it also has anti-aging and cancer preventative properties.

I certainly sleep better after drinking red wine…

Longevity
A compound in red wine called resveratrol has been shown to increase lifespan in animal studies.

Brain Health
Resveratrol has been shown to protect against Alzheimer’s disease and dementia.

Heart Health
Red wine has been shown to reduce the risk of heart and cardiovascular disease thanks to the resveratrol and other anti-oxidants it contains.

Lung Cancer
Researchers from the University of Santiago de Compostela in Spain found that each glass of red wine per day reduced the risk of lung cancer by 13%.

Prostate Cancer
Four or more glasses of red wine per week has been shown to reduce men’s overall risk of prostate cancer by 50% and the risk of the most aggressive forms of prostate cancer by 60%.

I won’t ever have to worry about getting prostate cancer…

Breast Cancer
Moderate consumption of red wine is believed to lower the risk of breast cancer. However, drinking more than 1 or 2 alcoholic drinks per day appears to increase the risk of breast cancer in women, so moderation is key.

The only negative is we drink a bottle each twice a week…

Colds
Researchers in Spain found that people who drank more than two glasses of red wine per day have 44% fewer colds than people who abstained.

I rarely get a cold {Touch wood}

Inflammation
Resveratrol has been shown to have anti-inflammatory properties, which helps overall physical health since many diseases and ailments can be attributed to inflammation.

A biggie for me…

Cholesterol
Resveratrol has been found in studies to lower LDL cholesterol, while another ingredient in red wine, saponins, also have cholesterol lowering properties.

I will carry on drinking red wine on my diet plan, because my weight loss plan is a life style change, not a temporary fix. I enjoy drinking red wine. I enjoy chocolate too…

I had better go & get ready to receive my guest / drinking buddy…