Posted in Feng Shui, Indoor Garden, Life as a submissive/spankee, Motivation., Pep Talk

Start telling the universe what you want…

I am interested in feng shui…& after spending time in my son’s vacated bedroom, clearing out the junk…OMFG! That room definitely needs cleansing. It is going to be my new bedroom. So I get to clear, clean, decorate & move in all new stuff…

I’m left wondering…Was I a bad parent, because I left him to it, to do his own thing? That bedroom has definitely got bad chi…Then I’m thinking ‘I should have gone in his bedroom to completely clean up, I should have asked for his washing’…My husband would go & clear his rubbish, dirty dishes, do his washing, wash his bedding. Me…I thought he was old enough to take care of his own bedroom…My daughters take care of their own bedrooms & do their own washing. Aka ‘laundry’…

New beginnings…

A fresh new start…

Attracting strong Chi, or feng shui energy into one’s home or office is very important. A strong, vibrant flow of Chi in your home (or office) will keep nourishing your personal energy, thus allowing you to focus on and achieve whatever goals you have for yourself.

I have set myself goals, but I have not ‘Feng shui-d’ my home. Not entirely. Not thoroughly. There is so much bad feng shui. Like broken lights, a broken dish washer. That is going in the skip. A broken oven. Again that is going in the skip…

I am determined to fix everything, but I have to learn how to nag. My Mum told me I need to learn how to nag. As in ‘I want that light fixed’…but…I don’t like nag’s…Nagging is just an annoying, aggravating, droning noise ‘No one’ listen’s to…One of my friends is a nag, everyone in her family seems to hate her…Nagging is not good. So no I won’t be learning how to nag. I’d rather just do it myself. Not that my mum was a nag. My Dad was the moody ranter, lol…

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I want to use every available space for storage, as my house is very lacking in storage space. Then again I could keep under my bed clear…but…I also have this irrational fear of something being under my bed, about to grab me. I watch to many ghost programmes, lol…

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I want to let go of the negative things in my life & move on, to create a fresh new, improved, relaxing future…With lots plants, writing, steering clear of negative people. I want to write fantasy sub/spankee stories to eventually sell on kindle, I want to grow a variety of houseplants, to eventually start propagating & sell…Time to let go of the negative clutter & create the motivation, inspiration, focus I need to reach my goals…both small, medium & large. Short term, to long term & in between…I am always evolving, just go with flow, but take along a paddle to steer my way…

 

 

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Posted in Motivation., Opinion, Pep Talk, Self hypnosis

Self!

I am interested in psychology, visualisation, the power of our own mind, how our brain works. So I was looking into neural pathways…

 

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3d neuron

 

The human brain may contain up to one trillion neurons. These nerve cells are interconnected, as shown in this microscopic image, so that they can transmit electrical impulses—and information—to other cells.

Apparently our brain also clears away unused neurons…

So this is me clearing away the old & creating the new…Can we literally change the way we think by trusting our brain to create new pathways? Aka neural path ways…

There is so much about personality disorders, depression, etc. Is it possible to learn new ways of thinking, just by making the effort to change the way we think. As in ‘I see that in myself’ then learn new ways around that negativity…

I know positive thinking works. I know visualisation works. I have proved this to my self many times. I have suffered from depression in the past. I literally hit rock bottom, then found a way to clamber my way out of that deep treacherous dark cavon of despair, through self ‘cognitive therapy’ I never realised what I was doing, until I looked up CBT…

So ‘Cognitive behaviour therapy’ is like creating new neural pathways in our brain? That makes a lot of sense to me…

Obviously you have to put the effort in & you do have to learn ways to let go of certain negative thoughts. I have got this aggravating {aggravating to me} long memory. I can remember details from as far back as when I was 2. I remember near enough every negative thing in my past life. Those thoughts, those so called memories, would just POP! right in my head…Ugh! I have learned to think ‘STOP! thinking’ & distract myself…

The other week I had what I now realise was a panic attack. It dawned on me…’I was having panic attacks’ all these years, but I taught myself coping strategies. If I allow myself to think deeply about something which hurts me, it can lead to so called anxiety & stress…

Taking the myer brigs personality test…I took it 4-5 times, to be sure that I really am a INFJ…OMFG! It is the best thing I ever done for myself. Apparently us INFJ’s are rare; only 1% of the population. When I started reading all I could on my INFJ personality. It was like a light went on & a heavy burden was lifted off me…The burden of ‘Disliking myself’ Of criticising myself. Of self loathing…I am a pretty special person, now I actually like myself…when I spent years thinking I was a horrible, bad, unlikable person…

INFJ (introversion, intuition, feeling, judging) is an initialism used in the publications of the Myers–Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) to refer to one of the sixteen personality types. The MBTI assessment was developed from the work of prominent psychiatrist Carl Jung in his book Psychological Types.

I’m still unlikeable to the mainstream peeps, but who cares…

I know of at least 4 people with personality disorders. A narcissist, borderline personality & 2 histrionic peeps…I have taken the personality disorder tests as well. I took the test as ‘Nervous break down me’ &…well…me! Nervous break down me was bordering on border line personality disorder…but…I don’t need attention, or have a break down at what I perceive as rejection…

Nuff said for now…I am going to build some more neural pathways, lol…Or just ‘Read!’…

 

 

 

 

Posted in Creative writing, Life as a submissive/spankee, Motivation., Pep Talk

Just start writing…

I want focus all my ‘sub/spankee me’ attention, on writing fantasy ‘sub/spankee’ stories…but now I need to ‘Just write!’…I want to read all my kindle spankee stories, to give me inspiration. Well more ‘give me confidence’…I can write as good as these spankee authors, if I put my mind to it…

It is easy to see others as more accomplished, more professional, more eloquent & see myself as an amateur. The kindle authors are amateurs too & they have managed to self publish a book on kindle…

It is my self confidence which is holding me back. So I’m an amateur. So a snobby grammar geek decided to point out my ‘Bad grammar’ in the story I wrote for him. He should know, he went to grammar school…Oo! Get him!…lol…

My Mum went to grammar school too & she learned how to read from the age of 3…My Mum taught me how to read & write, where school failed, because I was/am very quiet. I remember one teacher who did take the time to listen to me read…With other teachers, or parent volunteers, if I did not know a word, I would mumble over it & they would not ask me what I said. Which just goes to show, the teachers were not listening, lol…

Obviously that was way back 44+ years ago…I’m taking it things have changed…Then again I taught each of my children how to read & write, the school didn’t, though I’m sure they would take credit for it…

So this is me just writing. Practicing. Keeping it simple so as not to put myself off pursuing my published on kindle ‘fantasy sub/spankee story’ dreams…Some times when I read a perfectly grammatically correct story, or other writing, it is a tad dull. I was once given a story, which was apparently written for me, but…I had already read the same story, which I know had been written for someone else, only the name had been changed. I was quite hurt by that…Because it was my ‘then’ Dom/spanker who had sent me this impersonal story, which he had written for someone else…Soooo! Insensitive…

In my fantasy sub/spankee stories. The submissive will be treated with respect. She definitely won’t be treated like ‘Just a bottom’…I am going to get started on my characters as soon as I have finished blogging here…

Also…How do I write it? As myself? Me telling my fantasy story. Or as the story teller, describing my characters story? There is a name for that…The first person, second person, whatever person…I will look it up, because I don’t want to be hopping backwards & forwards, that will get too confusing & complicated…

I want to write what pops into my head ‘literally’…& see where it leads me…Though first I need characters, a plot, conflict, apparently my plot needs conflict so it does not flat line, whatever that means…

I will return…

 

Posted in Indoor Garden, Life as a submissive/spankee, Motivation., Opinion, Pep Talk

Is it possible to reprogram your mind?

Mind over matter?

Three photo’s of my indoor garden…I love my plants. The colours, the contrast, the various shapes, sizes & textures. They are ‘Glorious!’ {Smiles}

I thought I would do some research on the benefits of indoor gardening…

Starting with the tree hugger

  • They give an assist in breathing

My breathing is particully bad…{250 lung capacity} So any natural help is much appreciated…

  • They help deter illness

We have not put the heating on yet this year, but when we do. I will have purer, more humid air. I might need to water more often? I will look that up…

  • They clean the air

“Yaaay!”

  • They boost healing

Well my houseplants certainly make me feel good…So I am more relaxed, calm, a soothing contentedness every time I look at my plants…

  • They help you work better

Maybe I should find myself a cosy hidey corner. Surround myself with more plants, more plants is always best when it comes to plants…& start writing my fantasy spankee stories…’Mmmm!’ bamboo, willow ‘Birch’…lol…{That just confused any vanilla folks}

See…my sub/spankee self is still here. She will never go away, she is a huge part of who I am. I just need to keep working towards a way I can be my sub/spankee self & not be aggravated by the dreaded…Ugh! scene!…I might put a self imposed ban on myself using that word. First I need to get it out of my system…

I hate the scene with a vengeance…

The scene is full of weirdo, freak, chancers, perv’s, creepy perv’s, attention seeking, emotionally insecure, controlling, arrogant, nasty, malicious, vindictive, gossiping, back stabbing, cliquey, obnoxious, rude, ignorant, bullying, insensitive ‘Jerks!’ FROM HELL!!!

Right! I got that out of my system. Now ‘Let it go!’…Move on…Create my own sub/spankee life, through writing ‘fantasy’ stories & forget the real life screwed up ‘scene’…

The END!

From now on. If I mention that word. Or blog about that which can no longer be named…I will write a short fantasy story…Not that I want my mind to associate my writing fantasy, with the negative thoughts I have about the whatsitsface…No, mind…I am just training myself to put my sub/spankee thoughts to good use…

Wait! One more time ‘Scene!’

The ban starts now…………………………………………………………………………………

Posted in Indoor Garden, Life as a submissive/spankee, Opinion, Pep Talk, Self hypnosis

An INFJ sub is a paradox…

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I feel so much more calm & content, since making the decision to ditch the scene. A huge sigh of relief, like a HUGE! bitchy burden has been lifted off my shoulders…

Ryan is popping back this afternoon from number 51, to visit. He moved out yesterday morning {Smiles} He is probably picking up more of his stuff, but his making it around 2.30pm, so he’ll see his Dad as well, so Dad will probably get to see him more then when he was dossing here. I mean living here, lol…

Anyway…As I was going to use as a blog prompt…”What you allow, is what will continue”…It may seem a tad dramatic to some. Well many. Because the scene clique mentality is rife & cliques think enmass!…I am no longer allowing myself to feel that niggling aggravation, because I feel disappointed & disheartened. Also used & abused…

Its like someone who attended a few of my parties. He is a really nice bloke. A quite distinguished gentleman, we got on quite well…Though there was not exactly any conversation. He was just caning me…HARD! One strength fits all…HARD! Too HARD! He is one of the few I have had to stop. I don’t use a silly safe word, I just say, quite firmly ‘That hurts too much!’ & if it carries on ‘I have had enough!’…

Anyway. He sent me a pm. I never told him who I was…but he wanted to chat. In the end I decided not to chat, because I knew I would not play with him. I could take a lot of pain, I was a bit of a pain slut…but I love it for the after effects; it is not a competition, in the end it got to over crowded. I don’t care that so & so took 50 & never moved, in fact she bratted in a whiny voice ‘Have you started yet’…{Yawns!}

Oops! I brought back the disappointing, disparaging, often disheartening, so called fecking scene into my mind…See ‘Mind fuck!’…I believe in the power of our own mind & my mind is telling me. No SHOUTING! at me. This is not right. This feels all wrong…

Personally…I don’t feel the BDSM/spanking scene is emotionally, mentally healthy. Not for a person who is being themselves & for a INFJ…who can spot a fake person at whatever paces. The scene is a CONSTANT! mind fuck!…

Soooo! I need to remove myself from the situation which can potentially cause me to be fucked ‘Mentally’…Not even psychically. Jeeze!

As my husband describes me. I am a straight thinking person. The scene is…well…full of kinks…

…& breath…relax

In with calm…Out with stress…

I am going to stop now; go & make coffee, then look at my gorgeous plants. My plants sooth my soul. All the BDSM/spanking scene does is AGGRAVATE! & GRIND! on my every frazzled from the clique peeps ‘nerves!’…

Actually…I’m making it sound way worse then it really is. In reality, I am laughing as I blog this…Not crazy, lost it, manic, like…noooo…more 80% calm me 20% can see all the fecking scene flaws…

Deep breaths are good. Calming, soothing meditating is a must. My indoor garden. Who can resist. Grating clique peeps…Pffft!!!

Coffee time…

Here is some more photo’s of my indoor garden…

 

Posted in Life as a submissive/spankee, Motivation., Opinion, Pep Talk

“Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it”

So I made a huge decision last night. NO MORE! sub me. Well obviously sub/spankee me is there…but she is going to be sent to the corner of my subconscious mind…I don’t like the scene. I don’t like the mentality of the scene. Meeting a decent Dom/spanker is basically few & far between. That is often tainted by the ‘Community of lovely, like minded’ mentality {Rolls my eyes}

Obviously that is a people trait…Community! Everyone knows your business. Lots of kissing up, lots of gossiping & back stabbing, lots of smarmy, fake nice-ness. When in reality, people are only interested in themselves. That sounds cynical? Everyone is ‘Lovely!’ ‘Wonderful!’ You should see the good in everyone? Yeah! Right! Grow up buttercup!

I don’t like groups of people. I like individuals…I don’t like someone treating me as part of a community, rather then ‘Myself!’…That sounds weird? Probably is, because people in general do need a community of people, but then again they also need attention, approval, to be the centre of attention…Mind you, that would be more extrovert peeps, then introverts…

All this ‘One set of actions & values fit all’…That is…Well not particully the right way to be…That sounds negative? Maybe to some, to me it is being realistic. If I was to meet someone; use their name, ask them questions about themselves, allow them to talk about themselves, smile, look interested in what they have to say. Do the odd giggle for whatever, use small talk, brat, whatever!

I’m wrong? As I said. I like individuals. I like conversation. I prefer the so called black sheep. The people communities types often judge, I prefer those people to the conforming community of ‘Lovely, like minded’ peeps…A lot of the time, the lovely peeps, well they’re judging, bitching, slagging you off behind your back…

I try to see things from another persons point of view…Their individual point of view, not their ‘Fitting in’ conforming point of view…Its like one person who was a c*** to me. I just blocked her, so she can’t see me {I hope!} & I can’t see her {Phew!} They think she’s lovely, fun-fun-FUN! I feel she is a manipulative, vindictive, jealous, insecure person, with mental health issues. She has not had a particully good life, so I can understand her actions to a certain extent…but…Every other person in the community takes on her ‘Emotionally’ insecure ‘victim’ mentality as the truth…NO! PEOPLE! Think for yourself…

I would be her friend. I would find her personality quite endearing…but she hates me, through no thought of my own, other then being myself. Myself is ‘Reserved!’ Keeps myself to myself. Ignores, rises above, puts a smile on myself & enjoys what I’m doing…but I am very quiet, I am a introvert. I do get on better with individuals, I do get on better with men, because men in general, are more interested in the sub/spankee me, then how much loveliness I could lavish them with…Though, if a woman tells them not to go near someone…Dom or not, they do as they’re told, lol…

I want to leave all that behind. I’m bored with it going over & over in my mind. When all I want to do is get on with everyone, be nice, treat everyone with respect, but there they are, the lovelies, being judgy, bitchy, gossipy, not so lovely people, but it seems ‘like minded’…If you make an effort. You make friends. It is assumed my quietness is ‘Not effort!’…Me, I feel people should just be themselves & accept others for who they are. I accept those people for who they are, but I don’t accept the way they treat others, or me come to think of it, though I’m used to it, after years of being ‘Me!’ a introvert in a world where we have to be extrovert to fit in…

Yeah! I could act. I could just talk {If my mind did not go blank} I could listen to respond, rather then listen to understand. I could just talk bollocks. I have listened to group peeps. I’m sorry, but they just ‘Talk!’ talk-talk-talk ‘Laugh!’ but they’re not actually talking about anything interesting, its just words…Or gossip. Gossip keeps the words flowing, lol…

One of my good friends. He can talk for Ireland…but he talks about stuff, he does not just babble & giggle. It is conversation. Very fast conversation, but conversation non the less. He gets on with everyone…He has literally been told not to talk to a certain person…I assumed it was me, but I could not be arsed to press him for more info {Yawns!} Of course he likes me, so he spoke to me anyway…

Another good friend. He can talk for England, lol…but he talks. He has a conversation. He is a really friendly guy, just like my Irish friend. I get on really well with this friend. Even though he is the scenes most hated & black listed…{Grins} I’m grinning, but his quite hurt by it. He is black listed through gossip & a Ex from over a decade ago. See vindictive. There is no need for it. Why the need to destroy people, to destroy reputations, just because they had a relationship which broke up…Jeeze!

I have this as well & over a decade ago…Strange creatures that these clique people are…It sounds personal? Probably is, but this is the mentality I am talking about…Ohh! Ranting! Right!…Its strange how people giving a negative opinion on some negativity they disagree with, is ‘Ranting!’…{Shrugs!}

Oh! Yeah! That ‘Talk for England’ friend. He does have a tendency to give as good as he gets, but MORE! He points out their flaws, they as a ‘Community’ gang up on him, lol…

I am going to stop now…

I am starting the steps towards ‘Absolutely!’ no more scene…I want to focus more on my other, more interesting interests. Like gardening, my indoor garden, mosaic, tarot reading, visualisation, psychology, blogging, my own peace of mind, my family, etc.

 

Posted in Indoor Garden, Motivation., Pep Talk

Creating My Indoor Sanctum – Not A Chaotic Mess Of Dust Dog Hairs & Clutter…

Today is the day I start painting the living room ready to start creating my indoor garden…


Create a brighter more spacious home

Let there be light (& space)

You don’t need to do expensive refurbishments or knock down walls to enjoy a light and spacious home. To help you make the most of your existing space, Dulux has created a specialist range of paint called Light & Space, to bounce light around your room for an airy and bright feel.

How it works

Dulux Light & Space uses an ingenious light-reflective technology to create the illusion of space. By using a patented Lumitec formulation, the paint works with light reflective particles to reflect up to twice as much light back into your room.

How to apply the paint

It is easily applied with a roller or brush and requires just two coats, drying in 2 – 4 hours.



The paint cost £30 for 5L…but it is well worth the extra cost, just to reflect more light around my dark living room. The patio door faces East & catches the sun from the South, but otherwise it seems such a dark room. I have used this paint before, it did appear brighter. It was in a room with a picture rail, the dulux light & space paint was below the picture rail, with mat white above, you could see the difference…

I’m wondering if the light reflected is as good for plants as well as just brighter. The same as the use of mirrors to bounce light. Is reflected light still ‘artificial light’…I know LED lights are good grow lights. I don’t want to start setting up expensive grow lights everywhere, apart from the heat, they don’t look that decorative…

Since finding out I can grow ANY! plant in doors. I am planning on bring all my plants in doors as houseplants. Though it will take lots of research to care for each plants needs. I am buying rose & shrub compost, because I want to bring all my roses indoors…8 in total so far. They are mostly patio roses so already in pots. John might be unhappy if I bring my rambling rose with the evil thorns inside, it attacks him every time he ventures out in the garden…’Oops!’…

I love roses. I especially love fragrant roses. I am lucky to have high ceilings, so more height to allow my plants to grow taller. I’m contemplating bringing my lovely rambling rose indoors. The neighbours don’t like it. Every time it grows their way they shove it off the fence. I am going to do an experiment. I will cut it right back. Dig it up, plant it in rose compost in a big pot. Then add my obelisk. Once indoors I will just tie the stems it shoots out, which have the flowers on, to the obelisk. Might need to put it away from John. I won’t tell him which plant it is, he will be oblivious, lol…

I don’t want my indoor garden to look like I brought all my plants in doors. I want it to be a controlled environment. Trimmed to fit in the space I allocate them. I can visualise in my mind what it will look like, but everyone else in the family are…Okay! Mums having another one of her crazy ideas, just humour her…Yeah! We’ll see…

Every available space will be used. Including that sunny bit on the end of the kitchen work top…I feel like my indoor garden will inspire me to be more meticulous in my cleaning. After all, I don’t want mess among my beautiful plants. Sooo! Plants on the work top {Preferably not poisonous, preferably herbs} in nice decorative pots. I will be continuously clearing & cleaning the work top. As long as I have space for my chopping board & the ingredients I’m cooking with. Then a space to put the plates for dishing up, I’m happy…

Plants + Music = Blissful relaxation!

Also…I want the space where the laundry’s building up taking up valuable plant space {Gasp!} Hanging plants & a pot with a plant, is going there. So ‘More washing’ being done…

The thing is. I know how much better my quality of life will be, if I can fulfil this one dream to create my indoor garden. It sounds silly, but I will feel at ease, relaxed, grounded, blissful when around plants, especially lots of plants, giving me the feeling of being hidden in my own little jungle. The only thing it needs ‘Money’…Money for pots, money for compost, money for…………………………………………………………………………….otherwise its just a pipe dream & I carry on feeling ‘Ugh!’ because I can’t create my garden outside. Too much noise from neighbours. Too many weeds from when it was neglected by the people before we moved here. Too much watering, because of the burning sun, but its difficult to get around the garden with the hoes…

If my garden is indoors…NO! NOISY! NEIGHBOURS!!! No burning hot sun. Noooo! weeds! Woooo!!! that is the most blissful…I can wander around my whole house taking care of my plants, which will include cleaning. After all…Dust & dog hairs getting on my plants…{Gasps!} I don’t want to just add plants in chaos, so it looks even more chaotic. The point of my indoor garden is to create a blissful calm. Not ‘pull my hair out’ ‘feel overwhelmed’ CHAOS!…

I’m thinking wandering around my indoor garden, cleaning, tending to my lovely plants, everything in its place, no plonking anywhere, noooo! getting in the way. No causing stress from being too much clutter, it will be organised clutter, organised chaos. I might even throw in a few jungle sounds, lol…

Posted in Detour On Weight Loss Journey, Food List, Low Carb - High Protein, Motivation., Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

Life Changes Often Involve Lots Of Changing Your Mind…

One thing when planning life changes, is to be forgiving of yourself. Instead of thinking I failed at that, how embarrassing, I went on & on about it only to fail…No! life changes, life evolves, ideas evolve, learning what works, taking what works, then discarding the rest…

I have had a few major tweaks & kept quite a lot of my original plan. I am still eating healthy meals cooked from scratch, I feel so much better for it. I am more pain free. I feel more energetic, though I’m hoping to feel more energetic once I lose more weight. I feel more motivated. Of course I have my moments, but I do feel empowered to keep going, keep evolving, forgive myself more often…

I have stopped picking through out the day, which is a huge calorie reduction & I no longer pick all evening, into the night when I can’t sleep. So why aren’t the lb’s dropping off me…Hmmm? You would think I would be losing weight, by cutting drastically down on sweet junk food…

So I decided that something more needs to be done. Or undone…I can go all day just drinking water, black coffee, calypso sugar free spring water & have a small lunch, but the food I ate for lunch was more habit then needing to eat…Now I am drinking 3x meal replacement shakes, breakfast, lunch, supper…& having my usual dinner. No sweet treats. I like milk shake, I like sweet foods. The shakes satisfy both my need to drink rather then eat & it satisfies my sweet tooth…

By drinking 3 low carb/high protein shakes. I am also getting all my nutrients. Which I would not get by just drinking water, black coffee & sugar free spring water. They are quite tasty, filling & only 200-calories each. Which means I eat a maximum of 2000 calories if I have takeaway. On average I eat under 1700-calories…

Another tweak to my plan. I am giving up on my garden & creating an indoor garden instead. I love the bohemian style, I love plants. I hate all the weeds, the non stop watering, the burning sun, the noisy neighbours. If I create my dream bohemian style indoor jungle, I will be in my element…

At the moment I am deciding what plants can come indoors & survive. My eucalyptus. Bamboo. Dwarf bamboo. Can I bring my euonymus{s} in? & my hebe{s}? I need to get researching. I want to spread my fish out as well. At the moment they are in one 90L container. I want to divide them into smaller containers & grow aquarium plants. I also want a separate container to keep some fancy fan tail fish…

My sub life is on hold for a while. Until I can get my head around it. I am still reading lots of journal/writing in Fetlife…

Posted in Exercise, Motivation., Pep Talk

My life needs a drastic over haul & I know just the way to do it…

I have not been in the mood for writing the last 9 days. There is only so much to can write about dieting. I am still doing my thing. Realising that whilst not losing the lb’s I am dropping the inches. Which is more important to me…

My sub life. The web site…Basically I give up. There was a reason I left the scene. I need to remember that & stick with it, to save me the hassle. I blocked another douchebag…After a few short messages, where he was following a set script, what ever I was saying was not going into his thick, self absorbed head, I doubt there was any room in there for any other thoughts which was not in his script…Basically another idiot who can’t read a woman’s profile…

I feel ‘Grrrr!!!!’ with myself for going back there. I have decided ‘NO MORE SUB ME!!!’ It’s not worth the hassle. I want to focus my mind on more helpful positive things…like my garden. Like my home. Like my losing all my excess fat. Like me getting fitter, healthier, slimmer & having lots of energy for my grand children ‘I’m going to be a Nana to another little darling’…

I have been listening to self hypnosis. I want to do a lot more meditating & visualising. It is not easy to achieve your goals, but it is possible, my goals are realistic. I want to move. I am finding this garden & house too difficult to manage. There is too much to do & not enough help to do it. I want a smaller house, with a court yard garden, which I will fill to bursting with plants…Weed free. Easy to water…’Hopefully quiet’…

My life needs a drastic over haul, to tip me out of this deep crevice of same old same old…Which means save-save-save to move…Me personally, I would move into a caravan. My dream kid free life, involves living in a touring caravan, touring the whole of the UK, to see the whole of the country I was born in. I would love to live on a long boat on the Thames & travel the length of the river, from the sea mouth in Shoeburyness, to the very end where it goes into a stream. I might have to walk the last bit…

Nuff said for now…

Posted in Detour On Weight Loss Journey, Emotional Eating, Opinion, Paul Mckenna I Can Make You Thin., Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

ONE! Does not need the hassle from douchebags…

I woke up feeling slightly depressed today, its like something is about to happen, which I know I won’t like. I don’t think my wilted sunflowers helped, so I gave them a good soak, its lovely now the sun is here, but soooo! much watering plants ‘Ugh!’

I got the ‘Well you’ve failed on yet another diet’ vibes from my husband & I feel like slapping him around the head with the Paul McKenna ‘I can make you thin’ book, because I’m past explaining myself. He would say ‘I know how much it makes you depressed’. Yes being fat makes me feel ‘Ugh!’…but it is more my lack of energy which makes me feel down…

My INFJ brain is playing up. Probably one of my weaknesses. Where I start to pick up on someone taking the pee, being passive aggressive sarky, but then I’m left thinking ‘is it me?’ am I over reacting. I think he is just trying to be funny, but to me its not really funny, its sarcastic, I don’t particularly warm to sarcastic people, I find them quite rude & antagonistic. Face to face I just laugh, but Inside I’m left thinking ‘Rude!’

This site I’m co building. I noticed there was green on some, a few amber, too many red to feel comfortable, apparently it is to do with the readability,  analysis, which is basically traffic lights. I have been trying to tweak all the red & amber posts, to turn them green. I really wanted to keep the site down until all these things were ironed out…

…but…’Grrrr!!!’…I won’t moan. It makes me sound like a bitch, lol…

I am having great fun in Fetlife. I am trying to comment in the different groups I have joined, I am also trying to keep up with responding to messages. Hmmm! The sarcasm, the use of ‘I’ {Rolls my eyes} We’re exchanging messages, now emails to get to know each other, so he wrote in this weird confusing way, which made me wonder if he was drunk…& he kept putting {showing off} after every few weird sentences. I was ‘Eh?’ Please, mate! Stop!

Yeesss! There is a lot of ‘I’ I am not going to write in the whateverperson…One, one? what is that about, I read it like I was slurring my words. Why the need for total perfection, that you start to be a sarcastic old git, patronising me instead of talking to me. As new sub me, new improved SOD the tosser’s…I am taking those people out of my life straight away, I don’t need that kind of hassle in my life, there are far more important things to worry about…

Not that I worry about much these days. I learned not to worry ‘One learned not to worry’ {Tw*t!} The thing is. That is some minor & mundane, not worth thinking about, but I don’t want to waste my time with someone I know will eventually really start to irritate…

Ohh! Yes!…I also blocked someone on my Fetlife account. I dare say the first of many to come. Sorry ‘One dare says’…Ohhh! FECK OFF!!! This man was the typical Domly Dom ‘cliche’ Me Master, you mere female slave. I know I made a mistake loving one of his pictures he had a shared, it was just a punny meme…

Basically the bloke is a douchebag. He wanted to discuss my desires, but it was more of a demand then a opening for conversation. I was very polite, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, then he started frantically waving red flags at me. I definitely don’t need his type in my life ever again. One narcissistic, emotional abuser is quite enough thank you very much…

My new sub approach…Never try to explain to a patronising, passive aggressive A hole, especially when being polite, tactful, diplomatic, friendly & still the douchebag gets all passive aggressive anal…Just saying…