ONE! Does not need the hassle from douchebags…

I woke up feeling slightly depressed today, its like something is about to happen, which I know I won’t like. I don’t think my wilted sunflowers helped, so I gave them a good soak, its lovely now the sun is here, but soooo! much watering plants ‘Ugh!’

I got the ‘Well you’ve failed on yet another diet’ vibes from my husband & I feel like slapping him around the head with the Paul McKenna ‘I can make you thin’ book, because I’m past explaining myself. He would say ‘I know how much it makes you depressed’. Yes being fat makes me feel ‘Ugh!’…but it is more my lack of energy which makes me feel down…

My INFJ brain is playing up. Probably one of my weaknesses. Where I start to pick up on someone taking the pee, being passive aggressive sarky, but then I’m left thinking ‘is it me?’ am I over reacting. I think he is just trying to be funny, but to me its not really funny, its sarcastic, I don’t particularly warm to sarcastic people, I find them quite rude & antagonistic. Face to face I just laugh, but Inside I’m left thinking ‘Rude!’

This site I’m co building. I noticed there was green on some, a few amber, too many red to feel comfortable, apparently it is to do with the readability,  analysis, which is basically traffic lights. I have been trying to tweak all the red & amber posts, to turn them green. I really wanted to keep the site down until all these things were ironed out…

…but…’Grrrr!!!’…I won’t moan. It makes me sound like a bitch, lol…

I am having great fun in Fetlife. I am trying to comment in the different groups I have joined, I am also trying to keep up with responding to messages. Hmmm! The sarcasm, the use of ‘I’ {Rolls my eyes} We’re exchanging messages, now emails to get to know each other, so he wrote in this weird confusing way, which made me wonder if he was drunk…& he kept putting {showing off} after every few weird sentences. I was ‘Eh?’ Please, mate! Stop!

Yeesss! There is a lot of ‘I’ I am not going to write in the whateverperson…One, one? what is that about, I read it like I was slurring my words. Why the need for total perfection, that you start to be a sarcastic old git, patronising me instead of talking to me. As new sub me, new improved SOD the tosser’s…I am taking those people out of my life straight away, I don’t need that kind of hassle in my life, there are far more important things to worry about…

Not that I worry about much these days. I learned not to worry ‘One learned not to worry’ {Tw*t!} The thing is. That is some minor & mundane, not worth thinking about, but I don’t want to waste my time with someone I know will eventually really start to irritate…

Ohh! Yes!…I also blocked someone on my Fetlife account. I dare say the first of many to come. Sorry ‘One dare says’…Ohhh! FECK OFF!!! This man was the typical Domly Dom ‘cliche’ Me Master, you mere female slave. I know I made a mistake loving one of his pictures he had a shared, it was just a punny meme…

Basically the bloke is a douchebag. He wanted to discuss my desires, but it was more of a demand then a opening for conversation. I was very polite, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, then he started frantically waving red flags at me. I definitely don’t need his type in my life ever again. One narcissistic, emotional abuser is quite enough thank you very much…

My new sub approach…Never try to explain to a patronising, passive aggressive A hole, especially when being polite, tactful, diplomatic, friendly & still the douchebag gets all passive aggressive anal…Just saying…

 

Day Thirty – Darn Cake!

I ate cake ‘Ugh!’ at least the cream was low carb. Its weird. It is one tinsy bit of cake, but I feel like a HUGE! failure. I am working on this over reaction to a mere piece of cake on one day out of a life time of days. I will get my eating of ‘non diet food’ into proportion…

That was yesterday. After eating a reasonable amount of nutritious food all day, right up to the cake. I thought ‘Shall I weigh myself to see what the damage is’…IT IS A POXY BIT OF CAKE!…Jeeze!

The usual ‘I blew it, I might as well eat’ feeling did come over me, but I reminded myself that I am not on a diet, I am eating healthy, changing my ‘keeping me fat’ habits. This is a lifestyle change. One excess amount of carbs, does not have to turn me into a dust bin of PROPORTIONATE! excessive, out of control pick-pick-frigging picking…’Get a grip!’

…& breath

So I’m focusing on the cake. Which was a tiny piece, quite yummy, because I am not continuously stuffing sugar into my body. When other positive things happened. Like receiving 2 messages, 1 on Fetlife, the other on Bs {Aka british spanking} Apparently I am a breath of fresh air & my profile is impressive…Why thank you, kind sir!

I don’t want to rush in, just because 2 people liked my profile. I want to mull it over…After all my new accounts, are start over, not-tainted by my Ex Dom’s, especially my first Ex Dom, because he is quite a spiteful, malicious, vindictive person, he is obsessed with playing mind games. His Ex sub before me, or she was a few before me. She tried to warn me…but…I needed to find out for myself & I needed to get out of the emotionally abusive D/s relationship myself. Of course I done it in a spectacular, dramatic, unique way. Well he did keep push-push-pushing until I went over the edge & took him over with me…{That is a long blog story}

Anyway. When I am new, untainted, unknown, un-gossiped about. Just me…The blokes have not been warned off me, lol…I’m not exaggerating, they are a bunch of control freaks…Mister passive aggressive man, who was told from the off that I was not going to meet him, got all arsey because I would not meet him. Told me that he should have listened to the…Gossips? Back stabbers? Two faced bitches? I was OMFG! I’m right, I’m not paranoid after all. I thought it was me…

I feel SO! much resentment towards these nasty people. Its not like I done anything to deserve it, other then be in a D/s relationship with a narcissist, then be with one of the rare decent  Dom’s…{I won’t go into that}

…In with calm, out with stress…

Those are emotionally destructive feelings, only I get hurt by those feelings. So just let them go. Move on…carry on doing what I am doing, because it must be right. Please-please-please don’t let them bitches realise that it is me…

…In with calm, out with stress…Don’t eat cake!

Takes a deep calming breath…

Meditation. I need to meditate more, its great. I need to visualise more, I know that is helpful…

I was doing lots of research on low carb eating. I learned lots of helpful stuff…I also learned that if I go for a 15 minute walk after eating, the blood sugar spike, which needs insulin to deal with the excess sugar, which means storing the sugar as fat…well the excess sugar will be used by my muscles. High protein builds muscle, or helps build more muscle; muscle burns more calories, it also uses glucose ‘Sugar!’…I am so going to make the effort to do this…

Exercise to use the excess sugar, so my body does not need to store it as fat…The thing is…even if you are on a strict diet, if your blood sugar spikes, you are still going to produce insulin & your body is still going to store excess sugar as fat…

Low carb dieting is great for balancing your hormones, it is especially good for balancing your blood sugar…If I buy low carb foods & aim to eat low carb foods ‘NO! cake’…I am going to have more muscle building protein, less processed junk…& many more health benefits…

Apparently eating a low carb diet, can improve sleep. Which I need. I went to bed before midnight, but fell asleep about 1am & woke up at 5am. A mere 4 hours sleep. No wonder I have bags under my eyes & deep shadows…Ugh!

Nuff said for now…

Day Twenty Four – Here We Go Again…

Yesterday was a pretty mediocre day {Sighs} I ate after 23pm {GASP!} I never reached my 5k steps, but I done gardening; weeding & planting up seedlings. So yeah I done the equivalent in exercise, if not more, it takes some effort to weed whilst bending & squatting. I had a splitting head ache & tooth ache, so I felt pretty ‘Ugh!’…

Anyway…Today is a whole new day, a fresh new day to eat more healthy & reach my 5k step target, as well as finish planting up seedlings. Soooo! many seedlings; lots of lovely free plants, but its June 2nd & my plants are still tiny & far from blooming, then again with this sun & the rain we have coming, everything should take off in double quick time…

Still nothing from Fetlife. Shows you how much things have changed. It used to be so much easier to find a Dom, when I started out in the scene 12 years ago. I was inundated by messages, from the moment I appeared as a newbie. I think all the women moaning & complaining about the harassment from the cold callers has worked. Then it was receive 60+ messages, sift through all 60+…maaaaybe carry on with one or two, but then come out with nothing, because blokes tend to like instant ‘Meet?…No?’ Gone!

Actually getting to know a woman appears to be beyond them, its like…If they walked up to a woman in a pub & said ‘I want to spank you’ & she reacted ‘Feck off perv’ so he goes around the whole pub, until some desperate woman agrees to risk her safety on some Jerk, she knows nothing about…Well. It seems they finally got it…

Which means trying to find a new Dom on line, is POINTLESS!!! I need to go to a party, preferably with my husband, otherwise a woman on her own ‘Domless’ can pretty much be treated like ‘Just an arse’ & I don’t mean ‘arsehole’ as in not a very nice person…

I’m waffling! As in waffling on. Not my name is waffling, lol…

I found a new site, which has got ad’s from Dom guy’s…but…So impersonal & it is the same old same old attitude that we want to meet a complete stranger for a casual ‘attitude adjusting, punishment’ for…say…not losing X lb’s…Or we got moody when we was menstruating. Or we got pee’d off at some wanna be Master, or we don’t like creepy blokes, or we feel utter despair that the perv’s have taken over the scene & we can’t actually meet a real Dom…

{Sighs}

I have literally been looking at how to spank myself & I might as well go into fantasy ‘write stories’ for myself land…If I went to a party would it feel the same way? When talking to my friend, who I used to go to parties with, I was remembering bad experiences. I said ‘I am talking myself out of it’…

I think I do need to remember…but I do need to find a way to get my fix. My husband is not into it. It does nothing for him. I can feel it does nothing for him, so it reduces it to just…well…nothingness, boringness…It is a lot about feeling…I don’t think blokes get this. They’re all ‘Women are bitchy, I can teach her a lesson, take her down a peg or two’…To them it is all about punishing, mentoring, discipline, demeaning, belittling, putting the over emotional bitch in her place…

Right. I have talked myself back out of it…I am going to start writing stories & create what I am looking for. When I was with my ‘then’ Dom. I had a fantasy ‘melodrama’ going on in my head, it helped me sleep. I would message him & tell him ‘you gave me a virtual spanking last night’…he liked that…Apparently I was ‘The one’…but he only realised that after I finished with him, because I got pee’d off with the grief his fwends gave me…Such is life…No wonder so many border line abusers exist in the scene, because the women are providing the proof that they are right…Jeeze!

I remember meeting this man at a party. We got on, we had a good conversation, he never pushed himself on me, or just talked to me, to get me, or expected to play with me, because HE! used his ‘precious hunting bottom’s’ time to make small talk…I remember when I sat near him he felt ‘Freeeezing!’ cold. As in I was cold & I’m not a cold person, I’m usually having a hot flush…Anyway it turns out he is a widow. I said to my friend ‘I think his wife was there with him’…He was soooo! Brrrrr!!!

Anyway…years later he contacts me, we get on, we exchange messages, he suggests we arrange to meet in 7 months time, so basically we get to know each other {Most **nkers don’t give a woman 7 minutes, unless it is to talk dirty}…Then it went down hill from that moment on & he turned into a control freak bloke, who wanted to talk down to me, patronise me, be a condescending d**kwad…It was naughty girl this, young lady that, you have earned a spanking, you’re trying to earn a spanking…’Does your husband know you are talking to men……..’ He lost me from the moment he started the cliché ‘Master!’ crap!

My marriage is none of his business, so I ignored him, I was not about to discuss my marriage with him. I was trying {Very trying} to get across to him, that I am not looking for someone to train me, control me…Talk about ignore everything I said & use it to patronise me…In the end I gave up trying to get through to him, that I am not looking for a on line narcissist to virtually abuse me…Real life still applies…Talk to me as an equal, as a friend, treat me with respect. Don’t patronise me, matey…

This is what I am up against…

1. Strict discipline in Cambridge or will travel

   I offer strick punishment for naughty boys or girls. You will find the application of my school cane applied across your bottom will have a wonderful effect on poor behaviour. Although I enjoy applying the cane hard across deserving bottoms I can tailor sessions for those hot able to take it. I expect a fee for my services.
   Hope to meet you soon.
   Mr Morgan

Wow! How can I resist…& pay for the abuse…How to destroy your self confidence in a few hours. Meet a ‘strick’ Mr Morgan type…I despair! {Shudders!}

I’m aware that I am fussy…but…I have been through the narcissist emotional abuse, when I first joined the scene. My first ever Dom. He set out to screw me up. It was a game to him…’Karma!’ got him…

I seem to have evolved from blogging about my ‘Healthy eating’ weight loss journey, to moaning & groaning about the scene I was in…There is only so much you can say about healthy eating & weight loss. Personally I feel my recent GAIN! lots of weight, is since going through crap in the scene & finishing with my ‘then’ Dom of 7+ years. The thing is I deleted my private blog, which was where my negative thoughts went to be aired, dealt with, then leave it there. I think I need another ‘negative crappy thoughts’ blog…

Is it worth thinking about…Or blogging about…Hmmmm!

 

Day Twenty Three – Focus! Change! Balance! Moderation! Work On Your Own Self Esteem…

“Yaaay!” Yesterday was a successful diet day, the day before wasn’t so much, but that was then, this is now, a fresh new day. I done my 5k step target, plus some, I also done a few toning exercises & planted some seedlings, I just planted some more seedlings. No more scales or tape measure. I am going by how I look in the mirror, how I feel {I’m learning to accept myself in the now} & how my clothes fit…

I feel back in control. I hate feeling out of control. Not that I want to control others, I just like to take responsibility for myself. It was red wine Wednesday yesterday, so I was chatting with my friend, how I want to work on my body image issues, for now…Not! “When I lose weight…I am…”…

I don’t need to be size X to be able to fulfil my goals & dreams. Sooo! I wrote my new profile on my new Fetlife account. I commented in one of the groups I had joined & joined another group. Nooo! friend requests just yet, or messages, but there is quite a few defensive women in the FL scene. They are…like…’I don’t accept friend requests unless I have met you at an event, or you say something interesting”…

Which is fair enough. There is lots of friend request, cold calling & dumb arse one liners out there in Fet land. I had got to where it was getting tedious & I was telling them how it was. Especially the one who asked for details of my Master, so he could ask permission to use me…”EXCUSE MEEEEE???” Rude, ignorant, arrogant $^&%^£%$^%^&……You can imagine what I said, lol…

There are Masters & slaves out there, but if d**k had bothered to read my profile, he would have seen I am not into sm, whatever they call it. I feel pretty tame & vanilla in FL, I’d rather be in the site I joined 12 years ago, but that was taken over by the bitch clique. Though…as my friend said last night. I should just get a new account & go in as a new person. I still won’t make any effort to kiss up & join the clique, but I will make friends…

My friend used to come to parties with me, for 9 years. I used to play with all the Dom’s. She used to sit there & chat. They was intrigued that she was vanilla & only there with me, to socialise, because she liked the people. The people were great, then the bitches happened. It went from being surrounded by the men, chatting, having a laugh, me having lots of fun playing. My Dom playing with lots of women…Then zilch men went near us. It sounds like we done something to deserve it & that we’re paranoid, but in the scene, behaviour is enhanced…

Soooo! As I was saying, before I went off on one about the scene…Just goes to show where my focus is…but…Change! Its all change! Also this time, I am losing weight for my health, not for attractiveness, to impress the Dom’s…Hmmm! I did maintain a size 16 when I was going to parties every other month & playing with my Dom {of 7 + years} every other week…

Bitches happened. I lost my confidence. Finished with my Dom & left the scene for three years. Now I am making a come back, but I am making changes. First & foremost ‘My health’…Then my own body image. I am reading lots of blogs about body image. I have always been strong minded. Always objected to being objectified…but I allowed bitches with emotional issues to cause me to lose my confidence…Not anymore. Though now I am not with the Dom, who allowed his fwends to disrespect me…

I just stopped off to play with my little grand daughter. Now I am going to plant up some more seedlings…

Sometimes being tooooo! focused on something, causes issues…Balance! Everything needs balance. I am going to give my sub life focus, but I am not going to allow it to knock my self confidence & self esteem…

Some Might Judge Me – Some Might Assume I Am A Certain Type Of Person…

Ohh! Myyy! Fecking! Gosh!…I just wrote my new Fetlife account profile…’Yaaakes!’…I am going to meet a Dom & I am going to get past my body image issues…

Do you know, I still feel crap from the numbers on my scales this morning. Those feelings were a real eye opener to me…

So I read a few blogs, written by women on a body image journey. I read a feminist blog. The taboo feminist…

My whole life as sub me, left me feeling bad about myself. I know what I want. I know my own mind. I resent the women who gave me grief, because I was not like them. I miss the fun, pleasurable part of my sub life. I resent the people who took me for granted. I shouldn’t even feel I was taken for granted…

The whole thing about body image & feminism is turned upside down in my sub life. I am not a door mat. I am not just a bottom. I am not a woman there to be used & abused. I am not looking for a mentor, a ‘Dominant!’…someone to own me, train me, control me, belittle me, humiliate me…I am probably fighting a losing battle, a laughing stock, but you know what. I see it as ‘Mutual adult fun’…

Nuff said for now…It is red wine Wednesday…& I still feel raw from the weight gain thing. I need to work on my own self image & sod the dirty old, creepy, perv’s, who left me feeling too old, too past it, too unattractive…{Sigh’s}

It reads like I am really messed up by it. It is not that black & white. It is various shades of grey. Fifty maybe…’The bigger picture’…I see the bigger picture, hence seeing the flaws as well as the positives…

I will stop waffling on…Not that I see myself as a waffler. I mean it tongue in cheek ‘Light hearted’…Okay! I’m definitely shutting up now…

Crazy Woman On A Diet –

So what have I learned about ‘weight loss journey’ self today…Hmmm?

1. Emotional ‘change the way I feel’ eating, is a sneaky, snidey ba**ard…
2. I need to learn stronger coping strategies to deal with the obnoxious ’emotional’ hunger…
3. I resent all the **ckers in the scene I once had so much fun being in…’Grrrr!’…
4. So called bad days; not so good days, can feel soooo! long & soooo! destructive, when in reality they last a fraction of time & are in fact a learning curve…
5. I need to focus on my goals & keep a perspective on the time frame. It feels like I done that weeks ago, then moved on, but in reality I was just not as intensely focused. Time does not fly, our focus flies. Reality flies…Perspective! As in I feel like 3 weeks is a mere 3 hours…A few hours of feeling emotional & giving in to so called ‘comfort eating’ feels like weeks. It was a fraction of the time I felt this way. It does not have to rip open my packet of focused ‘In control’ sweets, neatly packed away, looking sweet & me being ever so good not eating them. Then…GIVE ME THE SWEETS!!! RIIIIPPPPP!!!! STUFF!!!…tears! It does not have to feel that way…It is not that dramatic, not that important, it is just a bag of sweets, FFS! I mean this metaphorically…
6. I can feel my husband relax, as I fail…Is that crazy? Probably, but I can. Maybe its me seeing it that way, because I am portioning the blame, or something. Maybe is doesn’t have to be quite so intense…So what. I ate some sweet in the ‘Fasting! hour’…{Gasp!}…
7. Those scales. Those ***king scales. Can **ck! right off & die…HOW DARE THEY!!! 14st12lb ‘Woooo!’…One week of eating a lot less, moving a lot more…15st F**CKING! 2.75 lb…WTF!!! Then 30 seconds later 15st1lb…So I gained 3 lbs? Through eating less & moving more…Those obnoxious, horrendous numbers ruined my day…So they’re out of here, fecking, bast*** scales…
8. To add salt to my wounds…FECKING! annoying, aggravating, neighbour from hell, cackle woman is back. Can my day get any worse…The woman needs a gag. There is just no need for the noise that comes out of that woman’s mouth, when she laughs…She CACKLES!!!…UGH!!! Tone it down, luv!

That is it for now. I’m sure I will think of more things that I learned over the last 3 weeks…

Persistence! Patience! Perseverance!

One of the main reason’s I am on this healthy eating, weight loss journey. To see her grow up & have her own children. To be a active part of her life. To be here for my husband & my kids. I want to see all my grandchildren & all my great grandchildren. I want to finish my dream garden & dream home. Three weeks is a drop in the ocean. One minor mishap because I felt emotional is insignificant. Is evaporation. Is joining the rain clouds…

Okay! I will shut up now…

The Health Benefits Of Cream – Dispelling The Good Food Bad Food Myth…

That diet mentality again…Which I am training my mind to get over…The good & bad ‘diet’ friendly foods. The foods I deprive myself of whilst dieting, but I actually like those foods, so when I fail a diet, due to eating ‘bad’ unfriendly diet food, I eat all the so called bad foods, like cream for instance…

Cream has got health benefits, its not like it is a high sugar, processed food. It might be high-ish in fat & calories, but…

• Eye health- The presence of Vitamin A helps to promote the vision health. It assists eyes to adapt the changes of light, promotes the night vision and makes the eyes moist. It maintains the retina health and prevents the chances of night blindness by raising human eye’s adaptability to the darkness as well as bright light. It reduces the chances of macular degeneration and cataracts which is related to aging. It is helpful for the glaucoma patients.

That is cream, not carrots…

• Assist growth-Vitamin B2 is essential for the development and growth of the tissues such as eyes, skin, mucous membranes, connective tissue, immune system, nervous system and reproductive organs. Moreover, it promotes the health of the skin, hair and nails.

So that tiny bit of double cream I put in my coffee, is not a ‘BAD!’ diet food. It is actually quite beneficial to my health. Just don’t go into cream over load…In moderation! Everything in ‘Moderation!’…

• Form bones- Phosphorus is essential for the growth of bones as well as teeth. It assists calcium for the formation of strong bones. It enhances the gum health and tooth enamel. It provides relief from the serious ailments such as loss of mineral density or bone loss. The studies also shows that it is associated with heart health so the adequate intake of phosphorus prevents from the cardiovascular ailments.

I am beaming with self righteous ‘Diet goddess’ -ness!

Remove from the ‘BAD!’ list – Check! Put on the ‘In moderation, don’t add cake’ list -Check!

• Kidney stones- Kidney stones are regarded as the crystallized deposits of minerals and calcium in the urinary tract. The study shows that high intake of calcium lowers the chances of kidney stones. The dietary calcium is not the cause for kidney stones but excessive present of minerals in water is the cause for kidney stones. The high intake of leafy vegetables such as spinach, kale and low intake of fluid might result in kidney stones.

So you can eat a ton of greens. Which are considered the ultimate in ‘Good!’ diet food, but if you don’t drink enough fluid, you might get kidney stones…Hence ‘Keep hydrated!’…Ohh! & add cream to your healthy eating diet. It is not a bad diet food…A calorie is a calorie & you should have more calories out, then in, but ‘In moderation!’ For taste, why not…

Bad diet foods are ‘fat free’…’low fat’…processed food…

• Reduce stress- Pantothenic acid helps to reduce the stress and mental problems such as depression, anxiety and assist in mind fitness. It helps to regulate the hormones which are the cause for these mental conditions.

Wow! All that from cream…

• Enhance immunity- Vitamin A promotes the immunity power to counteract infections by raising the response of lymphocytic opposite to antigens.  It moist the mucus membrane to promote the immunity and promotes the white blood cells activity. It prevents and fights the germs as well as infections.

It gets better & better…

• Production of RBC- Riboflavin is required in order to form the red blood cells as well as antibodies in the humans that assist in oxygenation and circulation of the organs in the body.

I am going to start searching for so called bad diet foods & find out about their nutritional value…Foods like cheese, wine, etc…

• Brain health- Phosphorus is present in the brain cells which is liable for all the essential functions. The adequate amount of phosphorus ensures the functions, development and cognitive growth. The studies are associated with deficiency of phosphorus enhance the chances of cognitive malfunctions, dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.

Wow! My brain health is more important to me, then cutting out all so called ‘Bad!’ diet foods. Why replace cream for artificial, light stuff, which has no nutritional value, when you can have all the health benefits from the real thing. Just eat less…

• Depression- The presence of calcium in adequate amounts lowers the chances of premenstrual symptoms such as mood swings, dizziness and hypertension. The low amount of mineral promotes the release of hormones which is liable for the irritability as well as depression.

I used to suffer from PMT…& depression, but I taught myself how to deal with the triggers. Emotional eating was a real issue for me…

• Hair health- Protein maintains the health of the hair and prevents it from damage. The studies show that protein plays a vital role in the growth of hair. Due to this protein is used in the production of conditioners and other hair care products.

I know my hair improves a lot when I eat low carb…

Day Fourteen – End Of Week Two – So Many Changes For The Good In Just Two Weeks…

“Yeesss!” The end of another successful week. Week two weigh day tomorrow. I have got the usual feeling of dread…but…I will not give up, or change anything. Because I am confident I am doing the right thing with my diet. I just need to keep going…

Persistence! That is the key to success…

The intermittent fasting is really helping me a lot. It allows me {My mind} to focus on ‘I can eat now’ & ‘I can’t eat now’ instead of obsessing about food…For 14 hours I can’t eat, so I focus on other things to do with my weight loss journey. I feel in control of what I am eating…

Last night I had a slight twinge of ‘I want to eat’…but I just thought ‘No! I am not giving up on this diet, I am determined to succeed’…I also had one of my night terror’s last night, well this morning. I woke up ‘SCREAMING!!! hysterically. My night terrors started when I was 10 years old. I am 48 years old now…They are a lot fewer & in between, but still there…

Why? Why did I have a night terror. I don’t even remember dreaming, I usually have vivid dreams which I can remember. Other times I would see a black figure looming over me, it felt like I was being attacked. I know that is a common phenomena…

Anyway…Back to my weight loss journey…

Time flies by. Its like one night we’re watching Dr Who…Zooooom!…Ohh! Its Dr Who night again. Where did that time go? Maybe time travel, lol…Seriously though. Time flies. So this time when I look back over the time between now & Christmas…Yes Christmas is coming soon…I am going to see the amazing results from May 10th ‘The start of my weight loss journey’ to December 10th…7 months, which is my guestimate of how long it will take me to drop 14 inches from my waist/tummy. 2 inches have gone already & that is in 2 weeks…

I believe in the power of our own mind…Apparently you should set your mind a time frame, give your mind instructions {Or words to that effect} I am not leaving the time limit to reach my desired 30 inch waist out there in the wind. It could end up taking me years to reach that destined goal…Sounds crazy, I know…

I am going to drop at least 0.5″ off my waist/tummy each week. Though so far I have dropped an inch off my waist/tummy ‘Woooo!’…I am going to keep on eating the way I am eating. Intermittent fasting 14:10. Cutting right down on the sugary junk food. I am eating a healthy, balanced diet of real food, not junk food…

Mind you. Its hubby’s turn to pick dinner tonight…He is still in healthy eating training. I bet he want’s cheese, onion & tomatoe omelette, with home made chips. His favourite healthy eating meal…

As I was saying about the power of our own mind. You do have to believe what you are thinking. I believe that I can drop at least 0.5″ per week. I believe that cutting out the sugar & processed junk is the key to improving my health. I am right. It is…I have less pain & I am less breathless; the inches are dropping off. I am getting fitter & healthier every day…

I am no longer willing to allow myself to hold myself back. YES! dieting does not work…but ‘Healthy eating!’ does. Literally with in day’s. I felt the benefits of cutting out picking on high sugar junk food, with in days. Its not like your body has to wait for months of effort to change…

That also goes for semi starvation diets. Your body goes into famine mode. You have to eat calories to burn fat, but healthy calories, not so called empty calories. How many nutrients did I get from the twirl I ate with my coffee? Ohh! Cocoa beans…A minute amount, plus a few teaspoons of sugar. So my blood sugar went up, gave me a short ‘Very short’ buzz, then ‘Plummeting blood sugar’ & a NEED! for another artificial fix. All the while my body has to deal with the excess sugar…My poor digestive system…

All day long. Literally into the early hours, I was eating sugar & fat…Never again! I just don’t want to eat that way anymore. It was slowly killing me. Now I am taking care of my body. The weight loss will catch up, as I maintain my ideal weight/size…

Just by fasting for 14 hours, my digestive system is getting a rest, so the extra energy to digest the constant onslaught of sugar & fat can go to repairing, healing my body. Water fasting would be a more speedy way to do that, but more extreme…

 

Physical Hunger VS Emotional Hunger…

via Daily Prompt: Precipice

“Precipice” That sounds like a good word…What does it mean? I’ll go & google it, see if I can fit it into my weight loss journey…

Hmmm! Only virtual steep mountains on my virtual weight loss journey, but a hazardous situation? Yes…Sweets, cakes, biscuits, chocolate, can’s of ginger beer in the fridge, the high sugar variety, my favourite drink of all time…Hazardous to my health {sighs}

Another hazard to my health, a ‘precipice’…Forgetting the reason’s why I so desperately want to stick to my healthy eating, weight loss journey. Strange I know. How can you forget. It is easy to stop focusing & move my focus onto something else…

Its like when I tell myself ‘I want to eat something sweet’…I don’t really, I just think I do. It is that emotional eating ‘Change the way I feel’ sudden, urgent PULL! to eat. Then I don’t feel satisfied, so I eat some more, by then I am thinking ‘I might as well eat what I want, that diet failed, as per usual’…They are hazardous thoughts & feeling’s…

First brain. No food is forbidden, restricted, off limits. I can eat what ever I want to eat…’When I feel hungry’…Psychically hungry, hunger that is gradual, not sudden, hunger which is……

What is physical hunger?

Physical hunger, also known as stomach hunger, is a complex interaction between the digestive system, endocrine system, and the brain. Physical hunger signs begin when the body needs refuelling and manifests as stomach rumbling or growling. When we eat, we feel better because our need for hunger is being met.

Sometimes it does not hurt for our body to feel hunger, so we learn what hunger feels like & learn to trust that we can cope with hunger, it is not going to last for ages, because we can feed our body…A lot of the time we are actually thirsty, not hungry, our body needs hydrating not fuelling with food…

Physical hunger doesn’t make you crave for specific comfort foods. Emotional hunger unlike physical hunger makes you ache for your favourite junk foods like pizza, cheesecake, cookies etc.  In a state where you are hungry physically you can consume any sort of food especially healthy foods!

So we just need to find ways to control our emotional hunger & trust our psychical hunger to allow our body to make healthy food choices. Mind you, when I eat 13pm to 23pm I am sort of forcing my meal times. Its like I’m hungry coming up to 13pm, but I make myself wait…I think about food when I get up & look at the clock, but I tell myself ‘No!’…I don’t feel hungry, I feel thirsty. I find it easy to wait until 13pm, I even wait longer, until I feel hungry…

Emotional hunger generally leads to binging. When struck by emotional hunger, individuals tend go overboard with their consumption of food and can down any junk food present in sight. When it comes to emotional hunger your brain doesn’t really register whether or not you are full and hence individuals keep eating beyond the point satiety without even knowing it. On the other hand when eating because of physical hunger, individuals are usually aware about how much they need to eat and feel satiated when their stomach is full.

One of my dieting downfalls…I really do need to concentrate on following the Paul McKenna ‘I can make you thin’ 4 golden rules…

When I have my twinges to eat, when I should not be eating. Like late at night, when I can’t sleep. It is ’emotional hunger’…Hence getting through it by telling myself ‘no’ & reminding myself why I am not going to eat. The hunger subsides after a drink, so obviously I was not hungry, I was thirsty & I got in the habit of just eating for the sake of it…

Emotional hunger surfaces from the brain. Instead of your belling growling and aching for food, emotional hunger comes from the head where you are only focused on certain kind of taste and textures and it usually points towards some kind of junk food.

So forget following a specific food plan; focus on dealing with the emotional eating. My diet is fantastic when I am eating to satiate my hunger…I did get to where I did not want to force myself out of my comfort zone of saying no to myself…