Posted in Indoor Garden

When You Get Up Close & Personal With A Bunch Of Plants Living In Your Living Room…

My indoor garden is going very well. I love it. Its a pity I never thought to do this a lot sooner. I get to enjoy the beauty of my plants so much more. Watering is 100 times easier. Whilst everything is drying up outside in the burning sun. My indoor plants stay moist…

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I brought the gladioli indoors. I love the flowers, but out side I don’t see them near as much as I do indoors. The colour, the shape, the purple stamen. They are gorgeous. I want to buy a lot more gladioli bulbs for next year. The foliage is lovely as well, it looks quite tropical…

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I’m pleased with the way my Dahlia is flowering indoors. It did have one bud when I brought it indoors & it did seem to take ages to open, but now its open ‘Wooo!’ So beautiful. There is the start of tiny buds developing. I’m hoping they grow & bloom…

I have still got lots of space to fill in my first garden room. I want to have the illusion of walking into a beautiful Victorian orangery…Or a greenhouse at kew gardens…I want to be surrounded by plants…

The great thing about creating a indoor garden, is it is there all year & I can buy 1 tinsy plant to admire, where as in a garden it disappears into the rest of the garden, unless you allow it space to grow & spread of course. Then there’s the weeding, the watering, going back indoors because it’s raining, burning hot sun, all the noisy neighbours are out in force…

I bought 4 new plants today. 2 of them were tiny. They would disappear in the garden. Actually they would die…but they have got such beautiful foliage, both shape, texture & colour. Here I am wandering around, picking up baby pot plants, fondling leaves, inspecting the flowers in great detail, up close & personal…I know, what am I on, lol…

Flower power!…Sorry…I know…I will stop now & go fondle my Jade plant…

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Posted in Indoor Garden, Motivation., Pep Talk

Creating My Indoor Sanctum – Not A Chaotic Mess Of Dust Dog Hairs & Clutter…

Today is the day I start painting the living room ready to start creating my indoor garden…


Create a brighter more spacious home

Let there be light (& space)

You don’t need to do expensive refurbishments or knock down walls to enjoy a light and spacious home. To help you make the most of your existing space, Dulux has created a specialist range of paint called Light & Space, to bounce light around your room for an airy and bright feel.

How it works

Dulux Light & Space uses an ingenious light-reflective technology to create the illusion of space. By using a patented Lumitec formulation, the paint works with light reflective particles to reflect up to twice as much light back into your room.

How to apply the paint

It is easily applied with a roller or brush and requires just two coats, drying in 2 – 4 hours.



The paint cost £30 for 5L…but it is well worth the extra cost, just to reflect more light around my dark living room. The patio door faces East & catches the sun from the South, but otherwise it seems such a dark room. I have used this paint before, it did appear brighter. It was in a room with a picture rail, the dulux light & space paint was below the picture rail, with mat white above, you could see the difference…

I’m wondering if the light reflected is as good for plants as well as just brighter. The same as the use of mirrors to bounce light. Is reflected light still ‘artificial light’…I know LED lights are good grow lights. I don’t want to start setting up expensive grow lights everywhere, apart from the heat, they don’t look that decorative…

Since finding out I can grow ANY! plant in doors. I am planning on bring all my plants in doors as houseplants. Though it will take lots of research to care for each plants needs. I am buying rose & shrub compost, because I want to bring all my roses indoors…8 in total so far. They are mostly patio roses so already in pots. John might be unhappy if I bring my rambling rose with the evil thorns inside, it attacks him every time he ventures out in the garden…’Oops!’…

I love roses. I especially love fragrant roses. I am lucky to have high ceilings, so more height to allow my plants to grow taller. I’m contemplating bringing my lovely rambling rose indoors. The neighbours don’t like it. Every time it grows their way they shove it off the fence. I am going to do an experiment. I will cut it right back. Dig it up, plant it in rose compost in a big pot. Then add my obelisk. Once indoors I will just tie the stems it shoots out, which have the flowers on, to the obelisk. Might need to put it away from John. I won’t tell him which plant it is, he will be oblivious, lol…

I don’t want my indoor garden to look like I brought all my plants in doors. I want it to be a controlled environment. Trimmed to fit in the space I allocate them. I can visualise in my mind what it will look like, but everyone else in the family are…Okay! Mums having another one of her crazy ideas, just humour her…Yeah! We’ll see…

Every available space will be used. Including that sunny bit on the end of the kitchen work top…I feel like my indoor garden will inspire me to be more meticulous in my cleaning. After all, I don’t want mess among my beautiful plants. Sooo! Plants on the work top {Preferably not poisonous, preferably herbs} in nice decorative pots. I will be continuously clearing & cleaning the work top. As long as I have space for my chopping board & the ingredients I’m cooking with. Then a space to put the plates for dishing up, I’m happy…

Plants + Music = Blissful relaxation!

Also…I want the space where the laundry’s building up taking up valuable plant space {Gasp!} Hanging plants & a pot with a plant, is going there. So ‘More washing’ being done…

The thing is. I know how much better my quality of life will be, if I can fulfil this one dream to create my indoor garden. It sounds silly, but I will feel at ease, relaxed, grounded, blissful when around plants, especially lots of plants, giving me the feeling of being hidden in my own little jungle. The only thing it needs ‘Money’…Money for pots, money for compost, money for…………………………………………………………………………….otherwise its just a pipe dream & I carry on feeling ‘Ugh!’ because I can’t create my garden outside. Too much noise from neighbours. Too many weeds from when it was neglected by the people before we moved here. Too much watering, because of the burning sun, but its difficult to get around the garden with the hoes…

If my garden is indoors…NO! NOISY! NEIGHBOURS!!! No burning hot sun. Noooo! weeds! Woooo!!! that is the most blissful…I can wander around my whole house taking care of my plants, which will include cleaning. After all…Dust & dog hairs getting on my plants…{Gasps!} I don’t want to just add plants in chaos, so it looks even more chaotic. The point of my indoor garden is to create a blissful calm. Not ‘pull my hair out’ ‘feel overwhelmed’ CHAOS!…

I’m thinking wandering around my indoor garden, cleaning, tending to my lovely plants, everything in its place, no plonking anywhere, noooo! getting in the way. No causing stress from being too much clutter, it will be organised clutter, organised chaos. I might even throw in a few jungle sounds, lol…

Posted in Detour On Weight Loss Journey, Emotional Eating, Opinion, Paul Mckenna I Can Make You Thin., Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

ONE! Does not need the hassle from douchebags…

I woke up feeling slightly depressed today, its like something is about to happen, which I know I won’t like. I don’t think my wilted sunflowers helped, so I gave them a good soak, its lovely now the sun is here, but soooo! much watering plants ‘Ugh!’

I got the ‘Well you’ve failed on yet another diet’ vibes from my husband & I feel like slapping him around the head with the Paul McKenna ‘I can make you thin’ book, because I’m past explaining myself. He would say ‘I know how much it makes you depressed’. Yes being fat makes me feel ‘Ugh!’…but it is more my lack of energy which makes me feel down…

My INFJ brain is playing up. Probably one of my weaknesses. Where I start to pick up on someone taking the pee, being passive aggressive sarky, but then I’m left thinking ‘is it me?’ am I over reacting. I think he is just trying to be funny, but to me its not really funny, its sarcastic, I don’t particularly warm to sarcastic people, I find them quite rude & antagonistic. Face to face I just laugh, but Inside I’m left thinking ‘Rude!’

This site I’m co building. I noticed there was green on some, a few amber, too many red to feel comfortable, apparently it is to do with the readability,  analysis, which is basically traffic lights. I have been trying to tweak all the red & amber posts, to turn them green. I really wanted to keep the site down until all these things were ironed out…

…but…’Grrrr!!!’…I won’t moan. It makes me sound like a bitch, lol…

I am having great fun in Fetlife. I am trying to comment in the different groups I have joined, I am also trying to keep up with responding to messages. Hmmm! The sarcasm, the use of ‘I’ {Rolls my eyes} We’re exchanging messages, now emails to get to know each other, so he wrote in this weird confusing way, which made me wonder if he was drunk…& he kept putting {showing off} after every few weird sentences. I was ‘Eh?’ Please, mate! Stop!

Yeesss! There is a lot of ‘I’ I am not going to write in the whateverperson…One, one? what is that about, I read it like I was slurring my words. Why the need for total perfection, that you start to be a sarcastic old git, patronising me instead of talking to me. As new sub me, new improved SOD the tosser’s…I am taking those people out of my life straight away, I don’t need that kind of hassle in my life, there are far more important things to worry about…

Not that I worry about much these days. I learned not to worry ‘One learned not to worry’ {Tw*t!} The thing is. That is some minor & mundane, not worth thinking about, but I don’t want to waste my time with someone I know will eventually really start to irritate…

Ohh! Yes!…I also blocked someone on my Fetlife account. I dare say the first of many to come. Sorry ‘One dare says’…Ohhh! FECK OFF!!! This man was the typical Domly Dom ‘cliche’ Me Master, you mere female slave. I know I made a mistake loving one of his pictures he had a shared, it was just a punny meme…

Basically the bloke is a douchebag. He wanted to discuss my desires, but it was more of a demand then a opening for conversation. I was very polite, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, then he started frantically waving red flags at me. I definitely don’t need his type in my life ever again. One narcissistic, emotional abuser is quite enough thank you very much…

My new sub approach…Never try to explain to a patronising, passive aggressive A hole, especially when being polite, tactful, diplomatic, friendly & still the douchebag gets all passive aggressive anal…Just saying…

 

Posted in Food List, Low Carb - High Protein, Motivation., Opinion, Weight loss journey

Day? What A Load Of Halloumi –

I seem to have lost a day. It is day twenty nine, week four. Today would be a weigh day…but…I am not about to let a few numbers determine my mood today. Not that I would be all moody, doom & gloom, no…but I would have that niggling disappointed, disheartened feeling…

I am going by my clothes, how I look & more importantly how I feel. I felt that I was losing focus on my weight loss journey, I wasn’t going off yet another diet at all ‘That diet mentality’…I was just not so focused, because I was doing other things. I realised that when I stop completely focusing on my ‘weight loss journey’ inside my head I feel I am failing my diet…

Successful dieting is more about your mind; keeping yourself motivated, but what about when it comes to maintaining that weight loss. I successfully lost 3st, then I lost focus, I had just moved & got back together with my husband. The weight just piled back on, with an extra 2 stone + for luck ‘Ugh!’…

I lost the extra 2 stone through not dieting, but it took 3 years. Now I want to speed things up. Low carb dieting has always been so easy for me. Because whilst eating low carb, I have no hunger pangs, or food cravings. Maaaybe I am what is referred to as carb sensitive? Maybe I caused the issues through picking at sugary ‘HIGH!’ carb junk all day long. As in my blood sugar levels…

I have been looking up more low carb foods. To ensure I have a variety of foods, that way I won’t get bored & start craving homemade chips, bread…the dreaded cakes, sweets, chocolates, biscuits…{Sighs!}

As I was saying…’Variety!’…My daughter Amy, she told me about putting salmon & tuna on skewers then putting them on the BBQ. Apparently that is tasty. So I thought grilling cheese? I have heard of cheese you can grill & it doesn’t loose its shape…Halloumi cheese ‘ZERO! carbs!’…Woooo!!!

I was also thinking ‘salads’…but leaving out the sweetcorn & pasta. On a low carb diet you can have mayonnaise. Not masses, of course there are still those little ^&%$%$^%^ ‘calories’…Salad leaves are low carb. I can add cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, any veg…with mayo, cheese, chicken, bacon, you name it…

Just no pasta, sweetcorn or bread…I do like bread, but bread is carbs, I will start adding bread as I start adding more carbs…As with most things in my life, I look into lots of different things then take what feel’s right to me. I am an eclectic person…

So I am using the principles of ‘Slimming world’ original red day & Atkins…I am starting with the very low carb induction stage, then after 2 weeks of 20g net carbs {carbs – fibre} I will start adding 5g more…

Fat free products are considered one of the bad diet foods. So I will use double cream etc. Mayonnaise, butter, olive oil…

I was chatting to my friend yesterday. Apparently he has got over wanting to Dom me…’Phew!’ Because I stopped talking to him when he got too aggravating. I am not into being ‘DOM’D!’…

I now have three friends on my new Fetlife account. Two are old friends, one is a new friend. A 34 yo submissive woman. I read her journal, which was one of those synchronicity moments. I feel I needed to read it, because I was feeling flummoxed. She is a go with the flow submissive, a let herself go submissive…Me, I’m still clinging to my vanilla ideals. Respect, self respect, manners, not being talked down to, talked at, patronised, punished, not being mentored!…Not being ‘Dom’d!’…Play is fine, if it is about pleasure & fun…

I say pleasure & fun. She say’s fulfilment…Hmmm! I feel fulfilled after a good play session. The emphasis on ‘Play’…I am very submissive in play. I am not willing to quite let go enough to ‘fit in’ She used the fit in words…Hmmm! There we go again, I don’t want to fit in with people who do things I don’t feel comfortable with, that is unfulfilling, that leaves me feeling bad inside…

No one in the scene wants to hear that. I am not a twue submissive…Its like a blog I was reading, it is written by a submissive. Me suspects she is a he & writing out his fantasy. Fair enough ‘Each to their own’ I’m all for fantasy…but…It reads like she is a fecking robotic stepford wife…This is what these twue submissives write like. I feel my vanilla judgy vibes bubbling to the surface every time I read a twue submissives words…

Its Master this. Master that. Its like he is god…Personally, for me, that is a tad emotionally destructive. Yes really want to please on a sexual, sensual, erotic level, but not in your head. Unless of course you get a thrill from being owned, dominated, trained to serve. Then fair enough. I am not quite brave enough to give someone that power over me…

“Each to their own”

I have had sessions where I have been very submissive, kissing the cane that just hurt me, submissive…but…He wasn’t my Master, he was a friend I played with. My Dom was where the full connection lie…Hmmm! I think that connection was more on my side then his, he just see a bottom, well actions speak louder then words, sir…

Not having to think, just do…’Yaaakes!’ What if he was screwing with my mind {Been there, done that, ended badly} What if he was a woman hater, belittling me, demeaning me, to get some perverse revenge on women…There are quite a few of those in the scene. Women haters. Yet we’re expected to trust them explicitly…With out the ‘getting to know them’…Ummm! lol…Dumb arse ‘Domly Dom’s’…that is what they are referred as…Basically complete disrespectful tw***…

Years ago. My friend had been chatting to a man in a vanilla chatroom {Yahoo} It turned out he was into BDSM. So she told him about me, then gave me his ad…OMFG! talk about a complete freaky nutjob. My friend was so sorry she sent him my way {Not that she was to know he was a real life jekyll & hyde}, he was such a nice vanilla man, but Dom man…He was a disrespectful, abusive, woman hater…What he described he wanted to do to me was beyond abusive. Imagine if I had just met him, because he was nice…{Shudders!}

Ohh! Yes! My friend. Apparently he is being controversial in the Ouch forum…Unfortunately it does not help his reputation. I am not getting involved. I will not be commenting. They already assume he is some fella who trolled them. The man did not troll them, he disagreed with them & told them a few home truths, but it did get overly heated…Silly me, added this man as a friend & made one ‘polite’ comment in his defense. I got attacked by the b****** It is a long boring story. They are tedious people…

I will shut up now…

All that from zero carb halloumi to cheesy Domly Dom’s, lol…

Nuff said for now. I need more coffee…

 

 

Posted in Opinion, Pep Talk, Self hypnosis, Word Prompt

Desire This – Imagine That – Picture This – Create That – Fulfil My Wildest Subbie Fantasies…

via Daily Prompt: Imaginary

I have not done any word prompt blog posts for a while, but this word has prompted me to write about something, which is also the answer to a question I have been milling over in my mind, never actually settling on any one thing, until now…

“Imaginary!”…Or should I say ‘My imagination’…

Before settling down to blog, I am going to get more coffee & put on some self hypnosis. I like to blog whilst listening to self hypnosis, rather then lay down with my eyes shut…

BRB!

Coffee – Check!

Self hypnosis – {Self Hypnosis for Mind Programming Success (Confidence / Motivation / Positivity) – Self Hypnosis for Mind Programming Success (Confidence / Motivation / Positivity) } – Check!

I need to use my imagination ‘Fantasy’ to fulfil my subbie dreams…& other parts of my life too, but first I want to work out my sub life. I was reading some of the posts, in a few groups I joined in Fetlife…I realised why I lost my ‘insatiable subbie self’…I was being myself, rather then using my imagination, to be someone else…

So now I am going to use my imagination. What I am looking for does not exist anymore. So I am going to create what I want, my own fantasy ‘melodrama’ sub life, through writing my own stories, using my own imagination. The fantasies in my mind put into words…

The self hypnosis I am listening to as I type, is suggesting I use an imaginary stop sign, to…well ‘stop’ negative thoughts. I have been using a similar thing to stop me thinking over past hurts, frustrations, embarrassments. If a negative past thought pops into my head, I think ‘STOP THINKING!’ until it goes out of my head…

I believe there is such a thing as psychic attack, as in someone saying, thinking negative, hateful thoughts about you, sending you negative vibes. Sometimes I avoid blogging or commenting in a certain scene in my life, because I want to stay under their bitchy radar. Sounds silly I know…

I just avoid giving the gossips any gossip. Or the bitches anything to bitch about. I literally steer clear, because I don’t need the unnecessary stress, from the unprovoked hassle. Keeping yourself to yourself appears to offend, lol…So I lurk! I read the threads, I read the comments, I laugh at the childish drama, but I don’t dare comment. Otherwise those negative people, would have the opportunity to send me their negative vibes…

Soooo! Use my imagination. Create my own fantasy sub life…Ohh! Isn’t that like having an imaginary friend? lol…Hmmm! Better that, then dealing with negative crap, from negative people…

To use the power of your own mind, you need to really believe in yourself. Any self sabotaging, self doubt just undoes all the positive thinking. I believe I can write my own fantasy stories. I believe I don’t need to meet a new Dom. I can just create my own fantasy Dom & save myself lots of unnecessary hassle…

Maybe that holds me back, living in fantasy land…but…I believe that I will get myself past the negative thoughts about these people, whome I resent…It will get me to where I find what is right for me. After all, if I publish the stories in my blog, like minded people will find my stories, who knows where that can lead…

I have just listened to 2 self hypnosis YouTube video’s. Now I feel inspired to write. Just write what comes to my mind. Get over the resentment. Let it go. Move on. Create something 100 times more fulfilling in my sub life…

Nuff said for now…

 

 

Posted in Exercise, Motivation., Weight loss journey

Day Nineteen – A Rambling Sub Rant – Looking To The Future Slim Healthy Fit Me…

“Woooo!!!” Another successful diet day, on my weight loss journey. I am going strong. I am stepping it out along the fast yet scenic route, on my weight loss journey. Tonight is red wine Sunday. I need to be aware of the alcohol induced munches. I am going to get some slimmer soup, my favourite tai chicken lemon, cuppa soup…

It is not that healthy, basically just flavour,  but it is tasty & filling, also hydrating, I feel more thirsty then hungry, when I have been drinking red wine, I usually drink water in between. That way I don’t get a hang over the next morning…

Yesterday I was thinking again about my sub life. I am a sub. I am not a Domme, or even a switch. I am a spankee. I love it. I get lots of pleasure from it. It is sexual, sensual, erotic for me. Very much mutual ‘Adult!’ fun. I am sick & tired of it being so difficult to find a decent Dom & not have him want to be in the ‘Clique’…I can’t stand cliquey people…& I can’t be dealing with some wanna be ‘Mentor’…or some arrogant, bordering on abusive ‘Disciplinarian’…This is what I am up against. I could do some serious kissing up to the clique bit***’s…but I would feel like a fake, smarmy, two faced, insincere bit**, so no kissing up to fit in, especially as the decent Dom’s are very few & far between…

Right! sub in despair rant, is over…for now…

Ohh! One more thing…I have got a new Fetlife account. My other one got hacked, probably by some weirdo I put straight on a few things…It is having a identity crisis at the moment. I can start over. I could start an intense search for my idea, of my ideal Dom…Hmmm! I might just do that…but…I’m not meeting anyone until I know enough about them, to be certain they are not a candidate for criminal minds…Also I am getting back to where I was, before I offended the b**** who was all over my Dom, wanting him for herself & giving me grief…Jeeze! Share, luv. I am. I don’t own him. I could care less that he play’s with other women…

Mind you. I don’t think it helped, that when they was gushing all over him. Wanting to make him ‘Their!’ Dom…He would say ‘You should thank K {aka me} for giving me permission’…Noooo! No wonder I got so much grief from the women…Jeeze! Mate! Not a good idea. He thought he was being loyal to me, when he was setting me up to be hated…

Another one of his dumb arse man things, he would say to a overly gushy sub woman, who WANTED! him…{The scene is very enhanced, hence the cap’s}…He would say ‘If K {aka me} finishes with me, I will make you my sub’…Ohh! Myyyy! frigging! GOSH!…WTF! Of course they hated me…That & I was not a fake, smarmy, hugger & kisser. I was not a ‘Lovely fwend’ type. I was ‘apparently’ the control freak b**** keeping one of the decent Dom’s all to myself. I wasn’t, but there you go…

I am married. My husband knows & accepts. He is married. His wife was supposedly unaware, but I suspect she knew. He told her that I was a virtual online sub…Ummm!

The scene is a very ‘Enhanced!’ for want of a better word…Ummm! strange place. I used to think it was great. Everyone could be themselves. Everyone was accepted. Then bit**es happened. Jealousy happened. A controlling, bullying minority happened. I left the scene after 9 years of going to parties. Its sad that a few emotionally screwed up control freaks, have to ruin it for everyone else & my dumb arse Dom see’s those few as his friends. Hence me no longer being with him. I did not need the crap him & his fwends brought with them…& the ‘If I finish with him…’ It was just an excuse, he used me as an excuse. So I got the grief & he got all the fun. Did the other Dom’s I played with, give him grief…Hell no. They were more into mutual ‘Adult!’ fun. They were respectful to my Dom…

Definitely nuff said…

“Yaaaay!” My new fitness tracker has arrived. I am going to get more coffee & set it up…I am going to start my walking training. To do a long charity walk next year…

Posted in Motivation., Weight loss journey, Weight Tracker

Hold The Press “I lost 3.75 lb” Week Two Weigh In…

“Yaaaay!” I just weighed myself again…{I won’t go into detail, lol} I have lost more then 0.5 lb I origionally thought I had lost. I have lost a whopping…

 

6
14st12lb

I am still focusing on the exercise, muscle building to burn more calories & healthy eating, but I am soooo! ecstatic to have lost 3.75 lbs “Woooo!!!”. I have gone from trying to think positive thoughts about the 0.5 lb weight loss – to – ecstatic! Which is sad in a way & another blog post…

 

bd9ab921aeb491a2801a5facd73a2858I achieved one of my goals…The ‘Reach the 14’s on the scales’ goal…How can I award myself. I know…A bar of chocolate…Noooo!!! I am going to award myself with a plant…

Inches are still more important to me…but I want to reach my first target weight of 11st0lb. Mind you my start weight on my last successful diet was 14st12lb…but…I regained the 3st weight loss & went up to 17st+…It is just a number & dwelling on the past won’t help…

I have learned a lot about dieting & my body since then. That was just a learning curve, for this weight loss journey, where I will reach my final destination target weight & settle there…

 

Posted in Exercise, Motivation., Paul Mckenna I Can Make You Thin., Pep Talk, Weight loss journey, Weight Tracker

Day Fifteen – Week Three – Dropped 4 inches Over All – Lost 0.5 lb…

Yeesss! Another successful diet day. Another successful diet week ‘Woooo!!!’…I was going to say that my week two weigh day has been a disappointing weigh day, because I lost ‘Only!’ 0.5 lb…but…I lost over all 4 inches, which is 1″ more then week one. My measurements are more important & I know how stubborn my body can be. There is also other factors, like water…

0.5 lb is a loss. It is going in the right direction. The most important thing to me is inch loss & so far in 2 weeks I have dropped 7 inches over all. I measure my bust-ribs {under bust} waist-hips-bottom-thighs-knees-upper arm…

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This week I am going to start gardening like a crazy woman…I want to put all my plants in pots & cement over the ground where I struggle to keep on top of the weeds. My garden is too small for shrubs & too big for pots. When I move, I want either a huge garden, or a court yard garden. I inherited a garden which had been neglected for years. 5 years on, I’m still battling with the same weeds…

So! Inch loss! I am concentrating on inch loss, not weight loss. Which means carry on the way I’m eating. Yesterday I did not have any food all evening & went to bed earlier. So today, when I start eating at 13pm, I would have fasted for 18 hours, because I stopped eating around 19pm last night…

I am going to start gardening 10 minutes at a time. I want to move all my pots closer together. I have got lots of empty pots to fill…Lots of seedlings to plant & hanging baskets to hang. I am really slow this year…

Measurements

Bust – 44″ {0.5″}

Ribs – 39.25″ {0.5″}

Waist – 42″ {1″}

Hips – 45″ {1″}

Bottom – 44″ {0.5″}

Thighs – 26.25″

Arms – 13″ {0.5″}

Knees – 16.25″

I feel inspired to start focusing more on exercise & getting fitter, but I am not going to go back to eating lots of sugary junk food & processed food. I am going to carry on intermittent fasting 13pm to 23pm {Fasting more when I can} & eating healthy, no dieting…Inch loss is definitely more important then weight loss…

1411638441200b79657a2a7a06d002d9ab69a7a95708cfat-vs-muscle-burnfc132077f878f75f664413b2fc1185da

First I need coffee, then gardening…if I was to do what Paul McKenna says in his book ‘I can make you thin’ I would forget the scales & concentrate on the 4 golden rules & getting active. I am going to carry on weighing myself & measuring myself weekly though. Some weeks I might lose lb’s & no inches…

I am going to exercise to build muscle…5 lbs of muscle burns 250-calories VS 5 lbs of fat burning a mere 20 calories. It is a no brainer. I am not going to start doing exercise I can not realistically keep up, but I am going to be focusing on getting more active & doing more strength training. Starting by moving pots around in my garden…

Posted in Emotional Eating, Motivation., Pep Talk, Water fasting

Day Fourteen – End Of Week Two – So Many Changes For The Good In Just Two Weeks…

“Yeesss!” The end of another successful week. Week two weigh day tomorrow. I have got the usual feeling of dread…but…I will not give up, or change anything. Because I am confident I am doing the right thing with my diet. I just need to keep going…

Persistence! That is the key to success…

The intermittent fasting is really helping me a lot. It allows me {My mind} to focus on ‘I can eat now’ & ‘I can’t eat now’ instead of obsessing about food…For 14 hours I can’t eat, so I focus on other things to do with my weight loss journey. I feel in control of what I am eating…

Last night I had a slight twinge of ‘I want to eat’…but I just thought ‘No! I am not giving up on this diet, I am determined to succeed’…I also had one of my night terror’s last night, well this morning. I woke up ‘SCREAMING!!! hysterically. My night terrors started when I was 10 years old. I am 48 years old now…They are a lot fewer & in between, but still there…

Why? Why did I have a night terror. I don’t even remember dreaming, I usually have vivid dreams which I can remember. Other times I would see a black figure looming over me, it felt like I was being attacked. I know that is a common phenomena…

Anyway…Back to my weight loss journey…

Time flies by. Its like one night we’re watching Dr Who…Zooooom!…Ohh! Its Dr Who night again. Where did that time go? Maybe time travel, lol…Seriously though. Time flies. So this time when I look back over the time between now & Christmas…Yes Christmas is coming soon…I am going to see the amazing results from May 10th ‘The start of my weight loss journey’ to December 10th…7 months, which is my guestimate of how long it will take me to drop 14 inches from my waist/tummy. 2 inches have gone already & that is in 2 weeks…

I believe in the power of our own mind…Apparently you should set your mind a time frame, give your mind instructions {Or words to that effect} I am not leaving the time limit to reach my desired 30 inch waist out there in the wind. It could end up taking me years to reach that destined goal…Sounds crazy, I know…

I am going to drop at least 0.5″ off my waist/tummy each week. Though so far I have dropped an inch off my waist/tummy ‘Woooo!’…I am going to keep on eating the way I am eating. Intermittent fasting 14:10. Cutting right down on the sugary junk food. I am eating a healthy, balanced diet of real food, not junk food…

Mind you. Its hubby’s turn to pick dinner tonight…He is still in healthy eating training. I bet he want’s cheese, onion & tomatoe omelette, with home made chips. His favourite healthy eating meal…

As I was saying about the power of our own mind. You do have to believe what you are thinking. I believe that I can drop at least 0.5″ per week. I believe that cutting out the sugar & processed junk is the key to improving my health. I am right. It is…I have less pain & I am less breathless; the inches are dropping off. I am getting fitter & healthier every day…

I am no longer willing to allow myself to hold myself back. YES! dieting does not work…but ‘Healthy eating!’ does. Literally with in day’s. I felt the benefits of cutting out picking on high sugar junk food, with in days. Its not like your body has to wait for months of effort to change…

That also goes for semi starvation diets. Your body goes into famine mode. You have to eat calories to burn fat, but healthy calories, not so called empty calories. How many nutrients did I get from the twirl I ate with my coffee? Ohh! Cocoa beans…A minute amount, plus a few teaspoons of sugar. So my blood sugar went up, gave me a short ‘Very short’ buzz, then ‘Plummeting blood sugar’ & a NEED! for another artificial fix. All the while my body has to deal with the excess sugar…My poor digestive system…

Insulin_resistance_weight_gainInsulin-Resistance-1

All day long. Literally into the early hours, I was eating sugar & fat…Never again! I just don’t want to eat that way anymore. It was slowly killing me. Now I am taking care of my body. The weight loss will catch up, as I maintain my ideal weight/size…

Just by fasting for 14 hours, my digestive system is getting a rest, so the extra energy to digest the constant onslaught of sugar & fat can go to repairing, healing my body. Water fasting would be a more speedy way to do that, but more extreme…

 

Posted in Motivation., Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

Day Twelve – Feeling Ugh! Fighting That Diet Mentality I Learned Over Years Of Diet Attempts…

Another successful diet day. Almost another successful week. I am finding it easy to talk myself down off the ‘sugar’ edge. I just don’t want to be fat & unhealthy anymore. I never did before, but I needed to find the answer to my weight loss woes…

I was actually afraid to push myself, because I believed I would go through hours of depravation. Obviously I knew I wasn’t going to go through hours of depravation…but…When counting calories, that was fine, right up until the evening, when I had run out of calories. The calorie counting diet was doomed to fail from the off…

You know what I don’t like reading. The 100% PERFECT! Absolutely STRICT! RIGID! You MUST! eat X Y Z or you will be fat forever, of your own doing, because you eat ‘Sugar!’ & {Gasp!} saturated fat & {Blasphemy!} use sweetener. You fatty are going to obesity hell!…

OH! FECK OFF!!!

I like food. I want to eat food. I am not a metal object which just needs fuel to live…I can’t be arsed to work out 70g fat, 230g carb’s, 2000-calories, whatever amount of protein. I go by the principle of half vegetables, quarter protein, quarter carbs ‘Guesstimate’…Maybe if I done it perfectly, weighed, measured, wrote it down, I might lose 1 lb more & improve my Inflammation, by an extra 10%…

I am not making excuses. I am just being realistic…Of course my diet is not set in stone. I can make changes here, tweak a bit there. I need to get my mind on just eating a healthy balanced diet & doing a realistic amount of activity…That diet mentality still niggles at my brain…

Its like yesterday I did not do my 30 minutes Wii fit +…It niggled at my mind right up until I fell asleep around 4am this morning. It does not matter. I can do 30 minutes Wii fit +, today. I walked to Aldi’s & back. Which was around 30 minutes walking + shopping & I carried shopping for at least 10 minutes, so strength training…

The ‘PROPER!’ fitness people, who believe I should be doing X amount of exercise to lose weight, otherwise I won’t lose weight. It is people like that who set up us mere mortals to fail, because we have not got the interest to drive ourselves to exercise that way. You need to want to drive yourself into exercise so you have zero fat & a 6 pack…Dare I say. I don’t find defined muscles on a woman, in anyway sexy. I am more for the feminine curves…”Each to their own”

I have read some blogs in my ‘Fitness instructor, drill sergeant’ voice {In my head of course} I always think ‘I can’t really get anything from this, because it is more for the people with an interest in fitness’…I just want to go for a long hike & not feel like I’m going to pass out from the lack of oxygen getting to my brain. My breathing can be bad. The last time I measured my lung capacity it was 250, which is not good…I have never smoked, though my Dad did used to chain smoke, there was often a smog & I could feel the smoke in my throat…but I have also got lupus, I put my breathing down to the coating on my lung’s, which is one of the lupus symptoms…

 

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One of my foxgloves…

I am doing so well…but I feel ‘Ugh!’ today, like I want to break myself out of a oppressive feeling of ‘I can’t be arsed!’…I am going to go out in my garden & do some moving stuff around. It is May 21st & my garden looks sparse this year. The foxgloves are beautiful, the plants I have got are beautiful, but they’re too spread out to appreciate them. I am going to move everything together & leave the rest of the garden to fill over time. The poppy seedlings are everywhere again this year, so I’m waiting for them to grow & bloom. Then I am going to ‘Cement!’…& just have pots. Lots of pots…

 

A few photo’s of my beautiful garden, last year. This year it looks sparse. Hopefully all my seedlings will grown & bloom by June, right through to October…