Life Changes Often Involve Lots Of Changing Your Mind…

One thing when planning life changes, is to be forgiving of yourself. Instead of thinking I failed at that, how embarrassing, I went on & on about it only to fail…No! life changes, life evolves, ideas evolve, learning what works, taking what works, then discarding the rest…

I have had a few major tweaks & kept quite a lot of my original plan. I am still eating healthy meals cooked from scratch, I feel so much better for it. I am more pain free. I feel more energetic, though I’m hoping to feel more energetic once I lose more weight. I feel more motivated. Of course I have my moments, but I do feel empowered to keep going, keep evolving, forgive myself more often…

I have stopped picking through out the day, which is a huge calorie reduction & I no longer pick all evening, into the night when I can’t sleep. So why aren’t the lb’s dropping off me…Hmmm? You would think I would be losing weight, by cutting drastically down on sweet junk food…

So I decided that something more needs to be done. Or undone…I can go all day just drinking water, black coffee, calypso sugar free spring water & have a small lunch, but the food I ate for lunch was more habit then needing to eat…Now I am drinking 3x meal replacement shakes, breakfast, lunch, supper…& having my usual dinner. No sweet treats. I like milk shake, I like sweet foods. The shakes satisfy both my need to drink rather then eat & it satisfies my sweet tooth…

By drinking 3 low carb/high protein shakes. I am also getting all my nutrients. Which I would not get by just drinking water, black coffee & sugar free spring water. They are quite tasty, filling & only 200-calories each. Which means I eat a maximum of 2000 calories if I have takeaway. On average I eat under 1700-calories…

Another tweak to my plan. I am giving up on my garden & creating an indoor garden instead. I love the bohemian style, I love plants. I hate all the weeds, the non stop watering, the burning sun, the noisy neighbours. If I create my dream bohemian style indoor jungle, I will be in my element…

At the moment I am deciding what plants can come indoors & survive. My eucalyptus. Bamboo. Dwarf bamboo. Can I bring my euonymus{s} in? & my hebe{s}? I need to get researching. I want to spread my fish out as well. At the moment they are in one 90L container. I want to divide them into smaller containers & grow aquarium plants. I also want a separate container to keep some fancy fan tail fish…

My sub life is on hold for a while. Until I can get my head around it. I am still reading lots of journal/writing in Fetlife…

Day Thirty Two – Little Changes Add Up To Big Results – Eventually…

I have had a few days of eating sugary foods, but not lots of sugary food or high sugar fizzy drinks. I’m waiting for the evening to do exercise. Tonight I am having pizza. Aptly named ‘fat pizza’…

…but…This is a life style change, not a diet. I reached the goal to be under 15st. I am on my way to reaching the goal to be under 40 inches. I believe the key to successfully reaching my ultimate long term goal is to do it slowly but surely, as much as I want to speed things up & get there fast, I’m more likely to never get there…

If I drop 0.5″ off my waist/tummy each week, through exercise, mainly gardening. It will take me 12 weeks to drop the 6 inches I want to drop before I play again {sub me} That should be 12 weeks to drop the 6 inches I am going to drop before I play again…

Pizza, then gardening. It doesn’t get dark until gone 21pm. I want to get lots done in my garden today. That is I am going to. The exercise will burn the carbs as energy, boost my metabolism, which will carry on even at rest…

Sometimes I feel like I am not doing enough…Then I realise that that I am doing a lot, I am doing enough to reach my long term goals. Persistence. Patience. Change gets results….

Low Carb Eating Is Not All Deep Fat Fried Bacon…

Ummm! All that fuss about eating cake. I decided to work out my carbs. The 1/4 jam roly poly was 47g…’Gasp!’ I bet my blood sugar level sky rocketed, then all that insulin ‘tut-tut’…but…I ate under 90g of carbs, which is low, 100g carbs is low carb eating…

Though its best to get those carbs from healthy foods…NOT! cake…

I decided to weigh myself as well. I was expecting my weight to be back up to where I started. It is under the 15st mark ‘Yeesss!’…I don’t want to weigh myself too often, I want to get myself into the right frame of mind for weighing & measuring. If I lose 5 lbs of fat & gain 5 lbs of muscle, I won’t be 5 lbs lighter, but I will be slimmer. Also muscle burns more calories then fat…

Sometimes its easy to over look all the good things I am doing on my weight loss journey & focus on the so called bad. That cake was me eating sweet treats in moderation. I am going to start forgiving myself…

I was thinking of doing the induction phase of Atkins, then after 2 weeks building up my carbs 5g each week…but…I have decided that is too much like a diet. I am giving up dieting & changing my eating habits for life. I think 100g net carbs is low carb enough…

Its funny how aggressive & rude certain people get over ‘other people’ eating low carb…I was watching a youtube video of a woman who had been on a low carb diet for 6 months. Most of the comments were of rude people over reacting to her saying ‘High fat diet’…’ANIMAL FATS!!!  ‘arrrrggggghhhhh!!!…That is people for you…

Jeeze! Learn some manners people, talk about insulting…

Anyway…

I think the stigma for low carb eating comes from the people who tried Atkins, but took the fry up’s a tad too far. Jeeze! There are other foods then bacon. There is ‘grilled’ food, including low starch veggies such as mushrooms. There is fish, chicken, turkey…

I watched a program about bad diets, of course the Atkins diet was on there, but the woman was deep fat frying bacon & living on deep fat fried, well bacon, eggs, sausage. No wonder she sweated bacon, when she was playing rugby…Chicken, fish, low starch veggies ‘Grill’…Sheesh!

Ignorance is not always bliss…

Its like the Atkins diet tv program. I wanted to slap her…OMFG! there was tears, there was craving cereal, there was head aches…Drink more water…Eat more variety. Do the research. Obviously the low fat & the cereal was not doing anything for her waist line. Its such a shame they always focus on the negatives when it comes to low carb…

Its like my friend. She’s really slim, eats healthy…but she’s the most unhealthy person I know. She’s always ill, she’s always going to hospital for yet more tests. Maaaybe she needs to start eating Paleo…

The only thing which puts me off eating paleo, is the ‘No dairy’…Though I can go no dairy. I drink black coffee, I don’t mind lemon in herbal tea. I could go with out cheese, but I like cheese…I’ll look into the paleo diet, I know it is one of the healthiest ways to eat. No grains, no dairy. Meat, poultry, fish, nuts, seeds, berries, vegetables, fruit, I think potatoes are debatable…but if a caveman had dug up a potatoe……

It does look quite restrictive…Also ‘wild meats’…surely any meat, poultry & fish, not just game…

Day Thirty – Darn Cake!

I ate cake ‘Ugh!’ at least the cream was low carb. Its weird. It is one tinsy bit of cake, but I feel like a HUGE! failure. I am working on this over reaction to a mere piece of cake on one day out of a life time of days. I will get my eating of ‘non diet food’ into proportion…

That was yesterday. After eating a reasonable amount of nutritious food all day, right up to the cake. I thought ‘Shall I weigh myself to see what the damage is’…IT IS A POXY BIT OF CAKE!…Jeeze!

The usual ‘I blew it, I might as well eat’ feeling did come over me, but I reminded myself that I am not on a diet, I am eating healthy, changing my ‘keeping me fat’ habits. This is a lifestyle change. One excess amount of carbs, does not have to turn me into a dust bin of PROPORTIONATE! excessive, out of control pick-pick-frigging picking…’Get a grip!’

…& breath

So I’m focusing on the cake. Which was a tiny piece, quite yummy, because I am not continuously stuffing sugar into my body. When other positive things happened. Like receiving 2 messages, 1 on Fetlife, the other on Bs {Aka british spanking} Apparently I am a breath of fresh air & my profile is impressive…Why thank you, kind sir!

I don’t want to rush in, just because 2 people liked my profile. I want to mull it over…After all my new accounts, are start over, not-tainted by my Ex Dom’s, especially my first Ex Dom, because he is quite a spiteful, malicious, vindictive person, he is obsessed with playing mind games. His Ex sub before me, or she was a few before me. She tried to warn me…but…I needed to find out for myself & I needed to get out of the emotionally abusive D/s relationship myself. Of course I done it in a spectacular, dramatic, unique way. Well he did keep push-push-pushing until I went over the edge & took him over with me…{That is a long blog story}

Anyway. When I am new, untainted, unknown, un-gossiped about. Just me…The blokes have not been warned off me, lol…I’m not exaggerating, they are a bunch of control freaks…Mister passive aggressive man, who was told from the off that I was not going to meet him, got all arsey because I would not meet him. Told me that he should have listened to the…Gossips? Back stabbers? Two faced bitches? I was OMFG! I’m right, I’m not paranoid after all. I thought it was me…

I feel SO! much resentment towards these nasty people. Its not like I done anything to deserve it, other then be in a D/s relationship with a narcissist, then be with one of the rare decent  Dom’s…{I won’t go into that}

…In with calm, out with stress…

Those are emotionally destructive feelings, only I get hurt by those feelings. So just let them go. Move on…carry on doing what I am doing, because it must be right. Please-please-please don’t let them bitches realise that it is me…

…In with calm, out with stress…Don’t eat cake!

Takes a deep calming breath…

Meditation. I need to meditate more, its great. I need to visualise more, I know that is helpful…

I was doing lots of research on low carb eating. I learned lots of helpful stuff…I also learned that if I go for a 15 minute walk after eating, the blood sugar spike, which needs insulin to deal with the excess sugar, which means storing the sugar as fat…well the excess sugar will be used by my muscles. High protein builds muscle, or helps build more muscle; muscle burns more calories, it also uses glucose ‘Sugar!’…I am so going to make the effort to do this…

Exercise to use the excess sugar, so my body does not need to store it as fat…The thing is…even if you are on a strict diet, if your blood sugar spikes, you are still going to produce insulin & your body is still going to store excess sugar as fat…

Low carb dieting is great for balancing your hormones, it is especially good for balancing your blood sugar…If I buy low carb foods & aim to eat low carb foods ‘NO! cake’…I am going to have more muscle building protein, less processed junk…& many more health benefits…

Apparently eating a low carb diet, can improve sleep. Which I need. I went to bed before midnight, but fell asleep about 1am & woke up at 5am. A mere 4 hours sleep. No wonder I have bags under my eyes & deep shadows…Ugh!

Nuff said for now…

Day? What A Load Of Halloumi –

I seem to have lost a day. It is day twenty nine, week four. Today would be a weigh day…but…I am not about to let a few numbers determine my mood today. Not that I would be all moody, doom & gloom, no…but I would have that niggling disappointed, disheartened feeling…

I am going by my clothes, how I look & more importantly how I feel. I felt that I was losing focus on my weight loss journey, I wasn’t going off yet another diet at all ‘That diet mentality’…I was just not so focused, because I was doing other things. I realised that when I stop completely focusing on my ‘weight loss journey’ inside my head I feel I am failing my diet…

Successful dieting is more about your mind; keeping yourself motivated, but what about when it comes to maintaining that weight loss. I successfully lost 3st, then I lost focus, I had just moved & got back together with my husband. The weight just piled back on, with an extra 2 stone + for luck ‘Ugh!’…

I lost the extra 2 stone through not dieting, but it took 3 years. Now I want to speed things up. Low carb dieting has always been so easy for me. Because whilst eating low carb, I have no hunger pangs, or food cravings. Maaaybe I am what is referred to as carb sensitive? Maybe I caused the issues through picking at sugary ‘HIGH!’ carb junk all day long. As in my blood sugar levels…

I have been looking up more low carb foods. To ensure I have a variety of foods, that way I won’t get bored & start craving homemade chips, bread…the dreaded cakes, sweets, chocolates, biscuits…{Sighs!}

As I was saying…’Variety!’…My daughter Amy, she told me about putting salmon & tuna on skewers then putting them on the BBQ. Apparently that is tasty. So I thought grilling cheese? I have heard of cheese you can grill & it doesn’t loose its shape…Halloumi cheese ‘ZERO! carbs!’…Woooo!!!

I was also thinking ‘salads’…but leaving out the sweetcorn & pasta. On a low carb diet you can have mayonnaise. Not masses, of course there are still those little ^&%$%$^%^ ‘calories’…Salad leaves are low carb. I can add cherry tomatoes, mushrooms, any veg…with mayo, cheese, chicken, bacon, you name it…

Just no pasta, sweetcorn or bread…I do like bread, but bread is carbs, I will start adding bread as I start adding more carbs…As with most things in my life, I look into lots of different things then take what feel’s right to me. I am an eclectic person…

So I am using the principles of ‘Slimming world’ original red day & Atkins…I am starting with the very low carb induction stage, then after 2 weeks of 20g net carbs {carbs – fibre} I will start adding 5g more…

Fat free products are considered one of the bad diet foods. So I will use double cream etc. Mayonnaise, butter, olive oil…

I was chatting to my friend yesterday. Apparently he has got over wanting to Dom me…’Phew!’ Because I stopped talking to him when he got too aggravating. I am not into being ‘DOM’D!’…

I now have three friends on my new Fetlife account. Two are old friends, one is a new friend. A 34 yo submissive woman. I read her journal, which was one of those synchronicity moments. I feel I needed to read it, because I was feeling flummoxed. She is a go with the flow submissive, a let herself go submissive…Me, I’m still clinging to my vanilla ideals. Respect, self respect, manners, not being talked down to, talked at, patronised, punished, not being mentored!…Not being ‘Dom’d!’…Play is fine, if it is about pleasure & fun…

I say pleasure & fun. She say’s fulfilment…Hmmm! I feel fulfilled after a good play session. The emphasis on ‘Play’…I am very submissive in play. I am not willing to quite let go enough to ‘fit in’ She used the fit in words…Hmmm! There we go again, I don’t want to fit in with people who do things I don’t feel comfortable with, that is unfulfilling, that leaves me feeling bad inside…

No one in the scene wants to hear that. I am not a twue submissive…Its like a blog I was reading, it is written by a submissive. Me suspects she is a he & writing out his fantasy. Fair enough ‘Each to their own’ I’m all for fantasy…but…It reads like she is a fecking robotic stepford wife…This is what these twue submissives write like. I feel my vanilla judgy vibes bubbling to the surface every time I read a twue submissives words…

Its Master this. Master that. Its like he is god…Personally, for me, that is a tad emotionally destructive. Yes really want to please on a sexual, sensual, erotic level, but not in your head. Unless of course you get a thrill from being owned, dominated, trained to serve. Then fair enough. I am not quite brave enough to give someone that power over me…

“Each to their own”

I have had sessions where I have been very submissive, kissing the cane that just hurt me, submissive…but…He wasn’t my Master, he was a friend I played with. My Dom was where the full connection lie…Hmmm! I think that connection was more on my side then his, he just see a bottom, well actions speak louder then words, sir…

Not having to think, just do…’Yaaakes!’ What if he was screwing with my mind {Been there, done that, ended badly} What if he was a woman hater, belittling me, demeaning me, to get some perverse revenge on women…There are quite a few of those in the scene. Women haters. Yet we’re expected to trust them explicitly…With out the ‘getting to know them’…Ummm! lol…Dumb arse ‘Domly Dom’s’…that is what they are referred as…Basically complete disrespectful tw***…

Years ago. My friend had been chatting to a man in a vanilla chatroom {Yahoo} It turned out he was into BDSM. So she told him about me, then gave me his ad…OMFG! talk about a complete freaky nutjob. My friend was so sorry she sent him my way {Not that she was to know he was a real life jekyll & hyde}, he was such a nice vanilla man, but Dom man…He was a disrespectful, abusive, woman hater…What he described he wanted to do to me was beyond abusive. Imagine if I had just met him, because he was nice…{Shudders!}

Ohh! Yes! My friend. Apparently he is being controversial in the Ouch forum…Unfortunately it does not help his reputation. I am not getting involved. I will not be commenting. They already assume he is some fella who trolled them. The man did not troll them, he disagreed with them & told them a few home truths, but it did get overly heated…Silly me, added this man as a friend & made one ‘polite’ comment in his defense. I got attacked by the b****** It is a long boring story. They are tedious people…

I will shut up now…

All that from zero carb halloumi to cheesy Domly Dom’s, lol…

Nuff said for now. I need more coffee…

 

 

Day Twenty Seven – Do Protein Shakes Help You Lose Weight? – Low Carb Dieting…

“Yaaay!” A successful ‘I never lost control & binged’ diet day. I done some gardening, which must have burned some calories, the sweat was pouring off me. I am digging & moving my plants into pots…

I am going to do more gardening today, when the rain stops & its not so windy. Its creepy in my garden when its windy, the palm tree next door makes a horrible crackling noise…

Last night that diet mentality ‘Body image’ issue reared its aggravating fat head. I gave myself a pep talk. Diets don’t work, healthy eating works. If I eat 1500-calories each day, I will lose weight fast, but my leptin levels will drop & ghrelin levels will rise. I will stop losing weight & start craving food. It would not be my fault {Though of course I would blame myself, for not being able to stick to a diet}

I looked at meal replacement shakes. I love iced coffee. So I could have latte flavour for Breakfast-Lunch-Supper & a calorie counted meal for dinner…but…Been there done that, did not lose weight, I probably gained for daring to semi starve my body. All those carbs in those meal replacement shakes, sending my blood sugar sky high & then once the insulin comes out to find places to store the excess sugar as fat, it plummets back down, leaving me craving more food…

I just thought. How about protein shakes? Or protein in smoothies?

Oo! What’s this…

 

Carb killa? As in carb blocker? Mind you it is £2.49…but then again if it is replacing a meal. I am going to read up on this shake…

• Deliciously smooth & creamy high protein fudge brownie shake
• Under 200 calories per drink
• 25g of protein & 7g of carbs
• No artificial flavours or colourings

Interesting…Especially as protein makes you feel fuller for longer…What are the ingredients?

Water, Skimmed Milk (27%), Milk Protein Powder (7%), Cream (Milk) (5%), Chocolate Powder (2.1%) (Alkalised Cocoa Powder, Sugar), Stabilisers: Gellan Gum, Carrageenan; Sweeteners: Acesulfame K, Sucralose; Salt, Natural Flavourings.

Protein builds muscle mass. Muscle burns more calories…Protein does not cause a blood sugar spike, so no insulin coming out to store the excess sugar as fat…

I need to do more research…

I know low carb eating is good for weight loss, I also have no hunger pangs, or food cravings…but what about the life style change? Will I regain all the weight as soon as I stop low carb dieting? Then again I can add 5g carbs at a time, to see if I am still losing, maintaining & if I gain go back down to the grams of carbs where I maintained. That is once I have lost the weight…

I do enjoy low carb foods. I enjoy eating meat, poultry, fish, eggs, cream, butter, olive oil, mayonnaise, coleslaw, cheese, spinach, mushrooms, avocado, other low carb veg, strawberries, other low carb fruits…I can have low sugar jelly with double cream, cream in my coffee, strawberries & cream…There are many low carb foods…

Last night I was thinking seriously about my sub life…That is another post I will write later…