Posted in Life as a submissive/spankee, Motivation., Opinion, Pep Talk

“Stop looking for happiness in the same place you lost it”

So I made a huge decision last night. NO MORE! sub me. Well obviously sub/spankee me is there…but she is going to be sent to the corner of my subconscious mind…I don’t like the scene. I don’t like the mentality of the scene. Meeting a decent Dom/spanker is basically few & far between. That is often tainted by the ‘Community of lovely, like minded’ mentality {Rolls my eyes}

Obviously that is a people trait…Community! Everyone knows your business. Lots of kissing up, lots of gossiping & back stabbing, lots of smarmy, fake nice-ness. When in reality, people are only interested in themselves. That sounds cynical? Everyone is ‘Lovely!’ ‘Wonderful!’ You should see the good in everyone? Yeah! Right! Grow up buttercup!

I don’t like groups of people. I like individuals…I don’t like someone treating me as part of a community, rather then ‘Myself!’…That sounds weird? Probably is, because people in general do need a community of people, but then again they also need attention, approval, to be the centre of attention…Mind you, that would be more extrovert peeps, then introverts…

All this ‘One set of actions & values fit all’…That is…Well not particully the right way to be…That sounds negative? Maybe to some, to me it is being realistic. If I was to meet someone; use their name, ask them questions about themselves, allow them to talk about themselves, smile, look interested in what they have to say. Do the odd giggle for whatever, use small talk, brat, whatever!

I’m wrong? As I said. I like individuals. I like conversation. I prefer the so called black sheep. The people communities types often judge, I prefer those people to the conforming community of ‘Lovely, like minded’ peeps…A lot of the time, the lovely peeps, well they’re judging, bitching, slagging you off behind your back…

I try to see things from another persons point of view…Their individual point of view, not their ‘Fitting in’ conforming point of view…Its like one person who was a c*** to me. I just blocked her, so she can’t see me {I hope!} & I can’t see her {Phew!} They think she’s lovely, fun-fun-FUN! I feel she is a manipulative, vindictive, jealous, insecure person, with mental health issues. She has not had a particully good life, so I can understand her actions to a certain extent…but…Every other person in the community takes on her ‘Emotionally’ insecure ‘victim’ mentality as the truth…NO! PEOPLE! Think for yourself…

I would be her friend. I would find her personality quite endearing…but she hates me, through no thought of my own, other then being myself. Myself is ‘Reserved!’ Keeps myself to myself. Ignores, rises above, puts a smile on myself & enjoys what I’m doing…but I am very quiet, I am a introvert. I do get on better with individuals, I do get on better with men, because men in general, are more interested in the sub/spankee me, then how much loveliness I could lavish them with…Though, if a woman tells them not to go near someone…Dom or not, they do as they’re told, lol…

I want to leave all that behind. I’m bored with it going over & over in my mind. When all I want to do is get on with everyone, be nice, treat everyone with respect, but there they are, the lovelies, being judgy, bitchy, gossipy, not so lovely people, but it seems ‘like minded’…If you make an effort. You make friends. It is assumed my quietness is ‘Not effort!’…Me, I feel people should just be themselves & accept others for who they are. I accept those people for who they are, but I don’t accept the way they treat others, or me come to think of it, though I’m used to it, after years of being ‘Me!’ a introvert in a world where we have to be extrovert to fit in…

Yeah! I could act. I could just talk {If my mind did not go blank} I could listen to respond, rather then listen to understand. I could just talk bollocks. I have listened to group peeps. I’m sorry, but they just ‘Talk!’ talk-talk-talk ‘Laugh!’ but they’re not actually talking about anything interesting, its just words…Or gossip. Gossip keeps the words flowing, lol…

One of my good friends. He can talk for Ireland…but he talks about stuff, he does not just babble & giggle. It is conversation. Very fast conversation, but conversation non the less. He gets on with everyone…He has literally been told not to talk to a certain person…I assumed it was me, but I could not be arsed to press him for more info {Yawns!} Of course he likes me, so he spoke to me anyway…

Another good friend. He can talk for England, lol…but he talks. He has a conversation. He is a really friendly guy, just like my Irish friend. I get on really well with this friend. Even though he is the scenes most hated & black listed…{Grins} I’m grinning, but his quite hurt by it. He is black listed through gossip & a Ex from over a decade ago. See vindictive. There is no need for it. Why the need to destroy people, to destroy reputations, just because they had a relationship which broke up…Jeeze!

I have this as well & over a decade ago…Strange creatures that these clique people are…It sounds personal? Probably is, but this is the mentality I am talking about…Ohh! Ranting! Right!…Its strange how people giving a negative opinion on some negativity they disagree with, is ‘Ranting!’…{Shrugs!}

Oh! Yeah! That ‘Talk for England’ friend. He does have a tendency to give as good as he gets, but MORE! He points out their flaws, they as a ‘Community’ gang up on him, lol…

I am going to stop now…

I am starting the steps towards ‘Absolutely!’ no more scene…I want to focus more on my other, more interesting interests. Like gardening, my indoor garden, mosaic, tarot reading, visualisation, psychology, blogging, my own peace of mind, my family, etc.

 

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Posted in Indoor Garden, Life as a submissive/spankee, Motivation., Weight loss journey

Where am I at?…

I have not blogged here in ages, but I thought it was time to start using this blog again…Where am I at, on my weight loss journey? Well I am learning lots & lots. The main one being ‘Diets don’t work’…Adding healthy foods, drinking more water, especially eating more vegetables & fruit…I have bought a soup maker, which is great. I get to eat lots of healthy, nutritious, tasty soup. It has also got a blender programme, so I get to drink healthy, nutritious, fruit smoothies too…

Where am I at, with my indoor garden? It is looking great. I love my indoor garden. Though it is going slow filling the whole house…

Where am I at, with my sub life? Well that is a on going source of confusion. Am I too old? Am I too fat? Am I past it? Do I even want to put my self through the drama & mayhem? The last one I’m sure about. No…Too much stress ‘In with calm, out with stress’…Eat more veg, spend time communing with my houseplants…

Then I go & start blogging with a friend. A friend I met in the so called scene. His reputation precedes him as well. In fact I think he could win the ‘Scenes most hated’ award. Would I come in second? Nah! I don’t think so…

I think I got myself into a situation. Now I am going from feelings of ‘Yeah! I can do this’ to absolute ‘DREAD!’…

I am going to stop there & go make some coffee…{Which has health benefits btw}

Ohh! Yes!…Before I go…I changed my blog name to ‘Sophisticated derriere’…Why? Because I like that name…

Nuff said for now…

Posted in Indoor Garden

Loving My Indoor Garden…

I’m loving my indoor garden. It is coming along really well…I would advise any plant lover to create an indoor garden. Or at least get more plants. LED bulbs help give more light, so plants can go anywhere…

Here are a few of my latest plants…

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I have still got some space to fill in my living room ‘The first indoor garden room’ Then I am starting on the second garden room, which is in my kitchen. That is the brightest room in the house, with duel aspect, East & South, including two sky lights facing South & catching the sun in the morning & a little in the evening…

First I need to plan, write lists, find inspiration…Prepare the family to make room for all the plants I plan on keeping on the work tops…

I brought one of my roses indoors…Roses grow well indoors, if they have enough light & are kept moist {Not saturated} I am going to bring all my roses in doors, as well as my other dahlias & fuchsias…

Posted in Indoor Garden

When You Get Up Close & Personal With A Bunch Of Plants Living In Your Living Room…

My indoor garden is going very well. I love it. Its a pity I never thought to do this a lot sooner. I get to enjoy the beauty of my plants so much more. Watering is 100 times easier. Whilst everything is drying up outside in the burning sun. My indoor plants stay moist…

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I brought the gladioli indoors. I love the flowers, but out side I don’t see them near as much as I do indoors. The colour, the shape, the purple stamen. They are gorgeous. I want to buy a lot more gladioli bulbs for next year. The foliage is lovely as well, it looks quite tropical…

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I’m pleased with the way my Dahlia is flowering indoors. It did have one bud when I brought it indoors & it did seem to take ages to open, but now its open ‘Wooo!’ So beautiful. There is the start of tiny buds developing. I’m hoping they grow & bloom…

I have still got lots of space to fill in my first garden room. I want to have the illusion of walking into a beautiful Victorian orangery…Or a greenhouse at kew gardens…I want to be surrounded by plants…

The great thing about creating a indoor garden, is it is there all year & I can buy 1 tinsy plant to admire, where as in a garden it disappears into the rest of the garden, unless you allow it space to grow & spread of course. Then there’s the weeding, the watering, going back indoors because it’s raining, burning hot sun, all the noisy neighbours are out in force…

I bought 4 new plants today. 2 of them were tiny. They would disappear in the garden. Actually they would die…but they have got such beautiful foliage, both shape, texture & colour. Here I am wandering around, picking up baby pot plants, fondling leaves, inspecting the flowers in great detail, up close & personal…I know, what am I on, lol…

Flower power!…Sorry…I know…I will stop now & go fondle my Jade plant…

Posted in Indoor Garden, Motivation.

Indoor Ponds – Hydroponics – Terrariums…

I am having so much fun creating my indoor garden, even though we’re still in the planning, decorating stages. Yesterday I bought the containers to be two of my new indoor ponds. I have got 12 fish, which gives them lots of space, but I want to do hydroponics, growing plants in the ponds, so technically I want a few fish in each pond, as the plants will take up space…

I much prefer keeping fish in a large container rather then a glass fish tank. as long as they have a filter {The plants} & sunlight {LED light} they are fine. I will have a oxygen pump going each day, the plants filter the water, the LED light acts as sun/day/grow light…

My bamboo is coming indoors, between the two indoor ponds. Bamboo likes some humidity, the pond water will add humidity around the bamboo. Its strange, every year I used to pull out the cabinet to spray mildew/mould remover. Since my indoor pond has been there ‘No mildew/black mould’…I was concerned I would cause more damp & make it worse, but no, it is completely clear…

I wonder if I can grow water lilies indoors ? If I can that would be great…I assume they need lots of sunlight…Or do they?…I need to research indoor water lilies…

Apparently not…but I don’t see why not. As long as they have enough light. Unfortunately they are quite expensive to experiment with & fail…I could get an artificial water lily…

I love this idea, but not keeping one lone fish in a small glass container. I like the idea of growing water plants as houseplants in glass containers. Then again…the non stop water changing & cleaning. I have got a large glass bowl/fish tank I rescued from going to the tip. I am not going to put fish in it. I am going to plant it as a terrarium…

Though I do want the leafy, jungle effect…

Right, rest over, more work…

Posted in Indoor Garden

Growing Clematis & Passion Flower Indoors As Houseplants…

I don’t think John quite gets my vision of my indoor garden, he is momentarily blissfully unaware of what I want to create. I get the feeling he is expecting a few house plants. I am planning to fit 50 plants in my living room…

I literally want a indoor garden, not just a few plants dotted here & there. For a start, on the wall next to where I’m sitting, I can fit 6 wall planters. Over the patio door 6 hanging pots. When I walk into my lounge, the first thought which I want to hit me is ‘Plants!’ then ‘light’…then ‘Its so beautiful & peaceful, I love my indoor garden’…

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERAI want to bring my garden plants indoors. One in particular. My clematis armandii. It does grow fast. It flowers on the last years growth. I am going to give it a tall pot & metal obelisk. Then place it in the sunniest part of my house. Which is the kitchen…

Can I grow passion flower indoors?

The Passion Flower: A Perfect Tropical Vine For Growing Indoors

Oh! Wow! I love passion flowers. The best thing about growing my plants indoors as house plants. I get to see them more. With out the burning sun, weeds, noisy neighbours. I can wander around my house admiring my lovely plants…

 

Posted in Indoor Garden, Motivation., Pep Talk

Creating My Indoor Sanctum – Not A Chaotic Mess Of Dust Dog Hairs & Clutter…

Today is the day I start painting the living room ready to start creating my indoor garden…


Create a brighter more spacious home

Let there be light (& space)

You don’t need to do expensive refurbishments or knock down walls to enjoy a light and spacious home. To help you make the most of your existing space, Dulux has created a specialist range of paint called Light & Space, to bounce light around your room for an airy and bright feel.

How it works

Dulux Light & Space uses an ingenious light-reflective technology to create the illusion of space. By using a patented Lumitec formulation, the paint works with light reflective particles to reflect up to twice as much light back into your room.

How to apply the paint

It is easily applied with a roller or brush and requires just two coats, drying in 2 – 4 hours.



The paint cost £30 for 5L…but it is well worth the extra cost, just to reflect more light around my dark living room. The patio door faces East & catches the sun from the South, but otherwise it seems such a dark room. I have used this paint before, it did appear brighter. It was in a room with a picture rail, the dulux light & space paint was below the picture rail, with mat white above, you could see the difference…

I’m wondering if the light reflected is as good for plants as well as just brighter. The same as the use of mirrors to bounce light. Is reflected light still ‘artificial light’…I know LED lights are good grow lights. I don’t want to start setting up expensive grow lights everywhere, apart from the heat, they don’t look that decorative…

Since finding out I can grow ANY! plant in doors. I am planning on bring all my plants in doors as houseplants. Though it will take lots of research to care for each plants needs. I am buying rose & shrub compost, because I want to bring all my roses indoors…8 in total so far. They are mostly patio roses so already in pots. John might be unhappy if I bring my rambling rose with the evil thorns inside, it attacks him every time he ventures out in the garden…’Oops!’…

I love roses. I especially love fragrant roses. I am lucky to have high ceilings, so more height to allow my plants to grow taller. I’m contemplating bringing my lovely rambling rose indoors. The neighbours don’t like it. Every time it grows their way they shove it off the fence. I am going to do an experiment. I will cut it right back. Dig it up, plant it in rose compost in a big pot. Then add my obelisk. Once indoors I will just tie the stems it shoots out, which have the flowers on, to the obelisk. Might need to put it away from John. I won’t tell him which plant it is, he will be oblivious, lol…

I don’t want my indoor garden to look like I brought all my plants in doors. I want it to be a controlled environment. Trimmed to fit in the space I allocate them. I can visualise in my mind what it will look like, but everyone else in the family are…Okay! Mums having another one of her crazy ideas, just humour her…Yeah! We’ll see…

Every available space will be used. Including that sunny bit on the end of the kitchen work top…I feel like my indoor garden will inspire me to be more meticulous in my cleaning. After all, I don’t want mess among my beautiful plants. Sooo! Plants on the work top {Preferably not poisonous, preferably herbs} in nice decorative pots. I will be continuously clearing & cleaning the work top. As long as I have space for my chopping board & the ingredients I’m cooking with. Then a space to put the plates for dishing up, I’m happy…

Plants + Music = Blissful relaxation!

Also…I want the space where the laundry’s building up taking up valuable plant space {Gasp!} Hanging plants & a pot with a plant, is going there. So ‘More washing’ being done…

The thing is. I know how much better my quality of life will be, if I can fulfil this one dream to create my indoor garden. It sounds silly, but I will feel at ease, relaxed, grounded, blissful when around plants, especially lots of plants, giving me the feeling of being hidden in my own little jungle. The only thing it needs ‘Money’…Money for pots, money for compost, money for…………………………………………………………………………….otherwise its just a pipe dream & I carry on feeling ‘Ugh!’ because I can’t create my garden outside. Too much noise from neighbours. Too many weeds from when it was neglected by the people before we moved here. Too much watering, because of the burning sun, but its difficult to get around the garden with the hoes…

If my garden is indoors…NO! NOISY! NEIGHBOURS!!! No burning hot sun. Noooo! weeds! Woooo!!! that is the most blissful…I can wander around my whole house taking care of my plants, which will include cleaning. After all…Dust & dog hairs getting on my plants…{Gasps!} I don’t want to just add plants in chaos, so it looks even more chaotic. The point of my indoor garden is to create a blissful calm. Not ‘pull my hair out’ ‘feel overwhelmed’ CHAOS!…

I’m thinking wandering around my indoor garden, cleaning, tending to my lovely plants, everything in its place, no plonking anywhere, noooo! getting in the way. No causing stress from being too much clutter, it will be organised clutter, organised chaos. I might even throw in a few jungle sounds, lol…

Posted in Indoor Garden

Bringing The Outside In – Bonsai Trees Instead Trees & Weeds…

I feel quite excited at creating my indoor garden. It is going to look & feel amazing. So far I have started clearing the living room ready to get painting. I even dug out some paint from the back of a cupboard. I have also been researching what outdoor plants I can bring indoors…

I can more or less bring any plant indoors, as long as it has enough light, water & nutrients. I was talking to my Dad about my ideas, I don’t think he can quite visualise what I have in my mind, but he says I can bring any plant indoors…

I need to buy new compost & scrub my pots. I seem to have a wood lice infestation outside, it must be all that rotting decking…I don’t want to risk bringing them indoors…I was thinking ‘Bonsai’…Bonsai’s are outdoor plants. I love bonsai’s. So I am going to train all my plants to be bonsai’s, but more restricted plants in deeper pots…

I have got honeysuckle, jasmine, clematis…which I would like to train indoors. Also the dark red crab apple tree, my friend bought me, when my Mum passed away. I am going to bring it indoors & train it to be a large bonsai…

I could really get into keeping bonsai’s…I love fairy/miniature gardens too. I will need to place a lot of mirrors to bounce light around the room & strategically placed LED spot lights. Then ensure I water enough, so the plant does not dry out & die…

Posted in Exercise, Indoor Garden

Trompe l’oeil – Mirrors to give the illusion of more plants – My Indoor Garden In The Making…

Fuchsias As Houseplants:

Yeesss! I can bring my fuchsias in doors. I love fuchsias, they are one of my favourite flowers. They need to be placed in a bright sunny area, but not direct sun light & kept moist, not soggy. I am going to grow lots of them in hanging planters in my kitchen, which has dual facing south & east windows as well as 2 sky lights…Apparently fuchsias absorb the moisture…

I got started on creating my indoor garden. I am clearing the living room ready to paint. I want to get the paint which reflects light, making the room up to 50% brighter. Then I am going to add mirrors in strategic places to bounce light around the room. I will use LED spot lights in dark areas. Adding mirrors will also double the plants…

I want to place mirrors to see the reflection of plants rather then the reflection of my self. I like the idea of the gate looking like it is going through to a garden. I suppose it would look silly have a gate in your living room, lol…

I love trompe l’oeil as well…

I want to add depth to my indoor garden; the illusion of being in a bigger garden, as if the garden is made up of rooms & I could step through into another part of my huge garden…

Posted in Detour On Weight Loss Journey, Food List, Low Carb - High Protein, Motivation., Pep Talk, Weight loss journey

Life Changes Often Involve Lots Of Changing Your Mind…

One thing when planning life changes, is to be forgiving of yourself. Instead of thinking I failed at that, how embarrassing, I went on & on about it only to fail…No! life changes, life evolves, ideas evolve, learning what works, taking what works, then discarding the rest…

I have had a few major tweaks & kept quite a lot of my original plan. I am still eating healthy meals cooked from scratch, I feel so much better for it. I am more pain free. I feel more energetic, though I’m hoping to feel more energetic once I lose more weight. I feel more motivated. Of course I have my moments, but I do feel empowered to keep going, keep evolving, forgive myself more often…

I have stopped picking through out the day, which is a huge calorie reduction & I no longer pick all evening, into the night when I can’t sleep. So why aren’t the lb’s dropping off me…Hmmm? You would think I would be losing weight, by cutting drastically down on sweet junk food…

So I decided that something more needs to be done. Or undone…I can go all day just drinking water, black coffee, calypso sugar free spring water & have a small lunch, but the food I ate for lunch was more habit then needing to eat…Now I am drinking 3x meal replacement shakes, breakfast, lunch, supper…& having my usual dinner. No sweet treats. I like milk shake, I like sweet foods. The shakes satisfy both my need to drink rather then eat & it satisfies my sweet tooth…

By drinking 3 low carb/high protein shakes. I am also getting all my nutrients. Which I would not get by just drinking water, black coffee & sugar free spring water. They are quite tasty, filling & only 200-calories each. Which means I eat a maximum of 2000 calories if I have takeaway. On average I eat under 1700-calories…

Another tweak to my plan. I am giving up on my garden & creating an indoor garden instead. I love the bohemian style, I love plants. I hate all the weeds, the non stop watering, the burning sun, the noisy neighbours. If I create my dream bohemian style indoor jungle, I will be in my element…

At the moment I am deciding what plants can come indoors & survive. My eucalyptus. Bamboo. Dwarf bamboo. Can I bring my euonymus{s} in? & my hebe{s}? I need to get researching. I want to spread my fish out as well. At the moment they are in one 90L container. I want to divide them into smaller containers & grow aquarium plants. I also want a separate container to keep some fancy fan tail fish…

My sub life is on hold for a while. Until I can get my head around it. I am still reading lots of journal/writing in Fetlife…